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Ask Eleanor, Therapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1517
Experience:  Marriage & Family Therapist with 20 Years Experience
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Hi Eleanor,My boyfriend sometimes will give me a full on

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Hi Eleanor,
My boyfriend sometimes will give me a full on loving embracing hug...others he will pat me on the back. What do each of these mean, why do people do them and what do you think is going on in this situation boyfriend/girlfriend in regards XXXXX XXXXX hug/pat on back.
Hello, I am a moderator for this topic. I sent your requested professional a message to follow up with you here, when they are back online. If I can help further, please let me know, otherwise, no need to reply. Thank you for your patience.
Customer: replied 4 years ago.

Hi Angela,

I am so new to JustAnswer and I would like to know from you how do we know what experts are online? Who are they? Can we send messages to a specifc expert? Is there a list of them?


Thank You


I have forwarded your questions to Customer Service so a representative may further assist you. You will receive an email reply shortly. Thank you for your understanding and patience.


Hello, thank you for requesting me and for your patience. Both the full embracing hug and the pat on the back are very normal expressions of affection for a loving couple. The embrace is more intimate and usually involves sexual feeling, sexual desire. The pat on the back is a sweet loving gesture that says I love you, I cherish you, I feel close to you in a non sexual way. These gestures balance one another very nicely and say I love you in every way. I hope this answers your question. Chat back if you need anything further. I was away for the afternoon but will be here on and off throughout the evening. Take care, Eleanor
Customer: replied 4 years ago.

so if my boyfriend of 5 years decides to pat me on the back it doesnt mean that he is disconnecting? I some times wonder what is going on when he pats me on the back when he hugs me. I feel rejected and it bothers me. It makes me think he is creating distance.


This is either me feeding into my fears of abandonment, rejection etc. or can all these fears be true? (that is what goes on in my head)

Hello again, no I do not believe that patting you on the back when he hugs you means he is disconnecting. If he were disconnecting, he would not hug you at all. But since it is triggering your insecurity and feelings of abandonment and rejection, I suggest that you talk with him about how you feel when he pats you on the back during hugs and ask him directly if he is trying to create distance. Right now your mind is full of fear that most likely has no basis in reality; talking with him will put your mind at ease. Let me know if you need anything further, take care, Eleanor

Ask Eleanor, Therapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1517
Experience: Marriage & Family Therapist with 20 Years Experience
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