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Elliott, LPCC, NCC
Elliott, LPCC, NCC, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 7664
Experience:  35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
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Hello I am asking this on behalf of my son and family .to cut

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Hello I am asking this on behalf of my son and family .to cut it down basically Chris my son married a Chinese girl who is lovely , but from meeting and getting married , her mother had a spinal cord infection which has left her with a spinal cord injury and other healthproblems and her and her husband My daughter in law mum and dad moved in with my son and Blaze .they have been with Chris and blaze for 18 months and it is not ideal as they live in the lounge and the support system has said it is not ideal . and Chris and blaze live in a very small dinning room.there is also nothing in the house that is Chris or says that XXXXX XXXXXves there the parents were there temporarily with the view to getting there own adapted house .Chris says they are very very untidy ,i do agree because i have seen the mess . any way Chris has had a chat with blaze about what is happening IE are the parent moving out etc as Chris would like to spend time with Blaze and start there married life as couple .but Blaze has said that she will be looking after them and they come first and if Chris doesn't like it he can separate/ divorce and she will not discuss the issue .I would not interfere with them at all but have run out of ideas .jean JOHNSON
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Dear Ms. Johnson,

Chris is facing the rules of a different culture where the parents are honored above all, and a woman who is not able to keep her commitment to her husband.

Blaze is not honoring your son and is ready to discard him at the drop of a hat.

She says that its my way or the highway. This marriage is failing and Blaze is the cause.

It is not directly your problem, but it is surely tearing you apart.

If I was talking to Chris, I would advise him to get a divorce based on incompatability.

This was not the understanding he had when he married her and she will not live up to her vows or commitment, so I advise he get the divorce as the best way forward in his life, and you may quote me on that.

I shall keep your family in my prayers.

Warm regards,

Customer: replied 3 years ago.

Hello thank you for your advice , you don't think that Blaze is going to change her mind ? well i don't think so and i think that she has stated her intentions but it is very painful to hear as i think as couple you should be able to discuss problems and it would be easy to resolve .Jean

Dear Jean,

This is such a heart-wrenching situation for your son and for you.

Blaze's conditioning is deeply rooted, and it cannot be dislodged by reasoning, and she is not moved by love for your son. She does not have that love, for if she did their would be a chance, but she is adamant.

Her mind is made up and her emotional commitment to her parent seems unshakeable.

Perhaps if she came from a different culture she would be able to have this discussion with Chris, but that will never be an option for her, I believe.

Her mind is made up and it would be best for Chris to move forward with his life. He has two choices: continue to live in unacceptable circumstances or leave the relationship. He has no other apparent options and there is no middle ground.

It is up to him to make the decision. I believe that sooner or later he will leave. Although sooner is a better option, he will do nothing until he is ready and sees the futility in continuing.

May God bless him and your family.

Warm regards,

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