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Hello, I am Rafael. Thanks for asking your question - I'm here to support you. (Information posted here is not private or confidential but public).
I am very sorry to know about this painful and frustrating situation.
I have to say that I do totally agree with you
It could be normal and acceptable as long as it does not become an unhealthy, compulsive, or dysfunctional behavior. The fact that he stares this much while aware of how much it hurts you and denies it, shows he is not being respectful, nor caring about your feelings and avoiding to take responsibility for his own actions. This is all unacceptable.
The period when these behaviors started were when he began to experience erectile dysfunction, what also happened when he bought all these fancy vehicles, which is not uncommon behavior present in people with self-esteem issues, poor assertiveness, and a distorted sense of self and relationships. I do not think he does not know what he is doing, unless he happens to have brain damage or such a serious mental disability not allowing him to be aware of these obvious situations. He attends and actively participates of your church activities, what could be easily used as a means to fuel this healthy-holy image, while shaping unhealthy reality by his disrespectful actions. This is very sad, but unhappily not an uncommon scenario.
Does it make sense?
You are absolutely right, from your story it is obvious tome that your husband has serious personality problems, and mental health problems, and he has been very manipulative, disrespectful and even abusive. Only you know how painful it's been for you to experience this situation for all this long.
As frustrating as it sounds, as long as he does not even acknowledge his actions and takes full responsibility for them it would be hopeless to expect any significant improvement in your situation, it would only get worse with time.
He needs professional psychological treatment, but it could only work if he happens to be fully honest and open about his personal issues creating the marital problems, and be willing to work on making real changes, He is far from doing this according to your story, and that's why I do not think there is much you can do about it but to reassess your priorities here, what you are willing or not to afford and based on that take consistent actions.
I am glad to know about it. Now everything would be about consistent actions and work, and not about words. From his concrete actions, work and changes you would know how honest and truly caring he happens to be. Let's be hopeful and see what time and experience show you, from there you would know what to do, not allowing yourself to get into the same vicsious circle any more.
Thank you for your trust. I am glad to kow this has been helpful. Take gentle care and consistent action.
You're very welcome. Please feel free to contact me for any further support since I am willing to support you and follow up. (Please remember to rate support, thanks).