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Dr Paige please advice me. He did not call and I texted him

after 5 days a joke...
Dr Paige please advice me. He did not call and I texted him after 5 days a joke. He replied "too busy" and had an event to attend tonight. The asked about me. I told him busy with kids and school started. Also asked if he wanted us to arrange something for tomorrow evening. I am waiting for his reply. Why did he say he would call the next day,
when now its obvious that he is not interested? He said he liked my friends and we should arrange to go out as couples. Since I asked him for tomorrow evening and if he does not reply shall I call and try for the last time? I am looking forward to your advice.
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Answered in 1 hour by:
9/9/2013
Josie-Mod
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Hi, I'm Josie and I am a moderator for this topic. I sent your requested professional a message to follow up with you here, when he is back online.

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Dr. Paige
Dr. Paige, Psychologist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1,427
Experience: Ph.D. Licensed Psychologist
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Hello. Well, it does seem that he is too busy for a relationship and maybe not as seriously interested as you initially had thought he was. I think he is telling the truth now in that maybe he is just interested in a casual friendship type of thing more than anything more. If this is the case, what do you feel about that? Would you be willing to hang out in groups of couples as he seems to want to do more than to be exclusive? You need to decide what you want out of a relationship and if this isn't what you have in mind, then you need to think about looking elsewhere. It is important that you always define your goals for a relationship with anyone new that you meet in order to make sure you both have the same ideas and you don't end up disappointed, as it seems may be happening here because he may have mislead you.

So, determine if this guy is worth your time if he doesn't have much for you. If you are still curious to see where this is heading, by all means, wait it out. But if you feel frustration already at the onset of this friendship, maybe it isn't worth the stress wondering all the time what he is doing and if he is wanting to be with you or not.

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Customer reply replied 4 years ago

I have known him for two years, just after I separated. A couple of months later he asked to move in with me but I was not ready. Sometimes I feel he is trying to see if I am still interested by the way he questions (he is not direct) and his recent offer to allow me to stay with my kids at his place as I am looking for a new place. (he will soon move abroad for his work for 6 months). I explained that I needed a place near their schools, and he then said 'so you want to be with you kids' and I said yes. Then he was silent for a few minutes. Shall I invite him over for a drink and clarify the situation? Also what shall I say without being pushy? Looking forward to your advice.

I think inviting him over to clarify the situation is the best thing you can do and that is what I recommend. I don't think you will sound pushy by just saying the truth, but if you do, so what? You need to know what's going on, so you asked. Being straight forward sometimes is the only way to get the answer you want. Tell him that you just need to know and want clarification because a lot of your choices hinge on his response.
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Customer reply replied 4 years ago

I am a shy person. To ask him if he is ready for a relationship in general and if he says yes to tell him that I am interested? I would like to hear your opinion too.


Please also tell me what you mean by my choicesbeing hinge from his response? Thanks

Well, you are waiting for him to tell you his intentions in order for you to make decisions about your future. If he is leaving and offered you his place with your kids, you have to know if that offer still stands and if so, under what circumstances? It is difficult to enter a relationship with someone who will be leaving for 6 months anyway, so just talking with him in general will help clarify things for you. If you are shy about this, why don't you write down you want to say to him and "practice" so you know what it will sound like in a conversation.
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Customer reply replied 4 years ago

You mean to see if he wants a rent payment? Also i would like to move in alone for a few days a week only (when kids are with their father) as i
don't like it where i am now. This arrangement until i find a new place if he wants just a casual friendship. Do you think its ok to ask this or not appropriate? Thanks again.


 

He was the one who had originally offered, so I don't think its inappropriate to ask. You are basically just clarifying the entire situation, so just checking to make sure this is all ok and what he expects as far as rent is all perfectly appropriate questions to bring up.
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Dr. Paige, Psychologist
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Experience: Ph.D. Licensed Psychologist
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