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Dr. Mark
Dr. Mark, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 5334
Experience:  Dr. Mark is a PhD in psychology helping with relationships
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got married 3years ago.after 2years my wife no longer want

Customer Question

got married 3years ago.after 2years my wife no longer want to have kids,i found out that she secretely had an implanon that expires in 3yrs time,i am 40 she is 33.i tried to beg her but she said no,got friends and relatives involved, but she did not change,i am thinking of leaving the marriage coz i want to be father,cant take this anymore
Submitted: 4 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Dr. Mark replied 4 years ago.

Dr. Mark :

Hi! I'll be glad to help you with this issue.

Dr. Mark :

I can imagine how distressing this situation is. Does your wife know that this is a "deal breaker" for you? That you are considering leaving?

JACUSTOMER-ewjnlznc- :

she knows that i am a patient guy but she has now pushed me to the edge,am totaly shattered

Dr. Mark :

Is she as distressed as you? Or is she more willing to just say "that's too bad"?

Dr. Mark :

You know, in marriages there are some issues that are irreconcilable. As painful as that is, this can be the case. Having or not having children is just such an irreconcilable issue if you're both not in agreement. A marriage can withstand this if the love is very strong between the two of you. Do you believe that's the case here?

Expert:  Dr. Mark replied 4 years ago.
Hi, because you went offline, the chat ended. So let me help you here in the question/answer format.

She seems to be as clear about not wanting children as you are about wanting to have children. This is a problem you two can't negotiate to a resolution. There is no midpoint. You two will either have or you will not have kids.

This is why the key here is the strength and quality of the love between the two of you. If you love her so much that you would be willing to say to me 30 years from now when you're 70 that it was worth it to stay married to her, then you know the answer would be to stay in the marriage.

But if you know that you will become more and more bitter about this, then it is important to end the relationship on the best note possible and to move on. It's painful now, clearly, I can see, to think about ending the marriage. But will it be even more painful next year and the year after that, etc.?

That's my concern for you here. That you are distraught now, but you may become bitter and very unhappy if you don't continue to discuss this with her and come to a decision between the two of you that is definitive on this issue.

Okay, I wish you the very best!

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Expert:  Dr. Mark replied 4 years ago.
Hi. Have you and your wife had better communication about this issue? Were my suggestions helpful? Or do we need to consider more options? Let me know,

Dr. Mark