Dear XXXXX : Thank you for your question.
Dear XXXXX : It sounds like you both are unsure whether each other wants to be intimate at certain times.
Dear XXXXX : You both have this deep connection but each are you are not comfortable in expressing yourself I feel is the fear of rejection.
Dear XXXXX : You both array thinking if each other and needs and I feel you both have a good solid relationship.
Dear XXXXX : But you both need to communicate more.
Dear XXXXX : Both of you are afraid of losing each other. You both when intimate are caught up in the moment. But once the intimacy is over I feel you both wish you could continue to be close and each person does not know what to do.
Dear XXXXX : What is happening is you have this build up of being intimate and when you both are together you both are anxious to have that special time together. Its the anticipation of waiting to be near each other. Then once you both are not intimate you still want to be near each other but do not know how to continue that connection.
Dear XXXXX : I would do things like holding hands to keep that intimate connection afterwards. You also can talk about your intimate moments.
Dear XXXXX : there a little signals that you can do to let him know when you are ready to be intimate. You can grab his hand, rub his back, kiss his cheek. Once he knows your signs he will know when the time is right.
Dear XXXXX : It sounds like he wants to make sure you are comfortable. I feel he does not want to pressure you.
Dear XXXXX : SSo it would help if he had little signs to know when it is time to be intimate.
Dear XXXXX : You want to suggest things after intimacy as well.
Dear XXXXX : You can suggest going for a walk, getting something to eat, watch a movie.
this sounds good. Yeah we have been together for 5 years and it has been rocky....we finally are ln a place were we are learning to be open and communicate. you are right communication is important. I have fear of rejection. real bad.
Dear XXXXX : You need to look at you have been together five years and it is very normal to have rocky times in a relationship. I want you to focus on each other and try not to think about rejection. I want you to do what comes natural.
Dear XXXXX : If you want to reach over and grab his hand do think about it just do it.
Dear XXXXX : Let your emotions be your guide and slowly you will feel more comfortable and not even think about rejection.
makes sense, for me its hard to tell the difference between what im doing that I want to do and respecting his time and space
its like for example- hes working at the computer. I want to grab him sit on his lap and kiss him. If I try he gets annoyed becuase he is working so I feel rejected.
Would you say being open about our boundries? Like if he says he doesnt want to be disturbed while working then I need to respect that but afterwards do what I want? It sounds so socially awkward but I feel like that because I am so fearful .......
an example- last weekend we went through a cycle were we were trying to discuss stuff, then it turned to a break up then make up. I was massaging him I put a blind fold on him. He said to me What does your body want, pretend im not me, im just a body you do what you want. Its safe. It was 2 hours long of pure extasy. It was amazing. I cant describe what is going on. I guess maybe its the doing what I want to do
Dear XXXXX : You both do not have any problems with intamacy so that means you have a strong connection. You want to be close to each other. You both after five years are very much in love and attracted to each other. When you do sit on his lap and kiss him and he gets annoyed you want to say too him something like I just can't help myself I love you. I know your busy but I just live being near you. You also could ask him if it is ok for you to sit with him while he works. He might have trouble concentrating with you being in the room while he works because he is so attracted too you. He also wants to get his work done so he can be with you.
Dear XXXXX : I feel he gets very distracted by you and that is why he has trouble working.
Dear XXXXX : it sounds like he would be annoyed because he just doesn't want to do his work he wants to be intimate with you.
Dear XXXXX : Him working makes him frustrated because he wants to give you his full attention.