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Ask Eleanor
Ask Eleanor, Therapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1517
Experience:  Marriage & Family Therapist with 20 Years Experience
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Im in a relationship with an older man. He is 75, I am 52.

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I'm in a relationship with an older man. He is 75, I am 52. We've been together 7 years. He never wanted to get married. I have my place and he has his. I sleep at his place with my 14 year old son 4 nights a week. He is well off financially, still working. Do you think I will be left anything in his will, and am I even entitled to anything. I feel like he wants the benefits of a wife without any of the obligations.
Hello, and thank you for requesting me. I certainly understand your concerns. Emotionally and morally, you are certainly entitled to part of his estate when he passes away. Whether that will actually happen depends on his will and estate laws in Australia. I am not an attorney, of course, and cannot address the legal issue. I think you would feel much better if you would talk with him honestly about this issue. There is a communication model that I think will help you greatly if you decide to broach the subject with him. It has 3 Steps. 1) Tell the other person that you understand how they feel, where they are coming from, i.e., I know that you have never wanted to marry me because ______ (You may simply say you do not know why). 2) Tell him how your feel, where you are coming from, i.e., I have tried to understand and accepted your wishes but there are times when I feel very insecure and wonder about my future when you pass away. Sometimes I feel like a wife without the status and benefits of a wife and I worry about my future. 3) Ask for what you want/need, i.e,, It would really help me if you would talk with me about whether or not you have plans to provide for me after you are gone. This gives you a non-threatening framework to talk about this sensitive issue. I believe you are entitled to know, but, of course, the decision to talk with him rests with you. Chat back if you have questions. I wish you all the best, XXXXX XXXXX Eleanor
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