Rafael M.T.Therapist says:3:59 PM
Hello, I am Rafael. Thanks for asking your question - I'm here to support you. (Information posted here is not private or confidential but public).
I am very sorry to know about this very painful and frustrating situation.
I can see that in your lives has been grief, lack of trust, lack of honesty, abandonment and other serious issues undermining it for a long period of time. He is an alcoholic and that adds another serious problem affecting his personal and marital life for sure, and depending on how well he works on his rehabilitation, he would be able or not to take good care of his personal life, and from there of his children and your relationship.
Based on your story, on what these serious issues developed, I see you keep getting back together, which is good, since it shows you want to make it work, but at the same time, the core issues affecting your relationship seem to remain the same, now worsened by his addiction.
I use to tell my clients that the best way to decide in a situation like this, is to assess the pros and cons of the main choices you have, and before anything to be as objective as possible evaluating how healthy or destructive the relationship happens to be. If the impact this relationship is having in your mood, mental health and life is more destructive than healthy, ten the best choice would be to take some time and focus on working on yourself and your personal issues, those that have always led you to self-sabotage. In that way, once you feel stable enough, confident and clearer about what you need and want, then you could effectively choose what is good and what you do not want as part of your life.
Running away from pain is not a solution, but ending anything destructive is always necessary and wise. But what is almost always unhealthy is to get into new relationship without having given yourself the time to heal and process another relationship you just left.
Does it make sense?
Hello, could you read my input?
Apparently the chat technical issues are not allowing us to communicate. I will change to posting to make sure you can read and reply. Thanks for your patience.