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Dr. Paige
Dr. Paige, Psychologist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1427
Experience:  Ph.D. Licensed Psychologist
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Hi, I have been in a 3 year long distance relationship with

Customer Question

Hi, I have been in a 3 year long distance relationship with another woman. She is not out, but I am. The first year was absolutely wonderful. Going into the second year I found out she had been deceitful and started a relationship with a man. Yet, she still wanted she to continue our relationship, that she loved me! She told me she only saw him as her "beard" so to speak, as painful as this was to me I chose to stay in the relationship with her. I fell head over heels in love with her and truly believed she loved me too.
Even though I caught her in several lies I stayed, hung on. I even dated another woman as a morphine to help with the pain but it only made matters worse.
I have recently had a rash of personal problems that I was hoping she would be there for me, but instead she ended our relationship with no explanation as to why.
Why could she not be open and honest? We discussed this often.
She was married 30 years to a serial cheater and she told me she probably could never trust again, but yet she lied and cheated on me.
Submitted: 3 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Dr. Paige replied 3 years ago.
Hello. I'm not exactly certain as to what your specific question is. Insight into another person's personality or intentions can be near impossible to guess at. There could be several issues at hand. She could have decided that she was in denial about being gay and wanted to push those feelings away, possibly for good if she has decided to stay with this man. A lot of times people are hurt in one way and hurt others in the exact same way as they were. Sometimes on purpose, sometimes subconsciously. Unfortunately, a lot of people are not honest, especially when it comes to feelings. Maybe she wasn't really sure about how she felt. Maybe she just has the personality of not being able to be open and honest with other people because she can't be honest with herself. It can be painful to not have any closure as to the reasons why. Perhaps you can re visit this with her at some point in the future and just ask her for this closure. Love is full of pain, lies and deceit for many people. Just about all people do experience the exact same thing at some point in their lives as well. Not that it makes it ok or easier to deal with, but unfortunately, that is how it works sometimes. I'm sorry that she chose to treat you in this way. You will regain your strength and be able to move on.

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