Hi! I'm glad to hear from you again.
But I'm sorry it's about your having broken up with your girlfriend and your being bummed about it. On one hand, though, that you're feeling bad about the breakup is a good thing because it was a 4 year relationship. So it means that you gave your heart to this relationship.
And that's a central problem that existed: giving her heart openly and freely was something very difficult for her. And it was too confusing. That is very often the case. When a person is very emotionally closed and stiff, it's very hard to feel like the relationship is fulfilling and what you really want.
And this gets us to the breasts issue. I understand. It's a part of our society and it's a turn on to most guys. And I bet the following, which is true for most guys would be true for you as well:
If she were an open, sharing, easier to read person who loved you in a way that made you feel truly united with her, that her breasts were not large would have been noticed by you but would not have been a really big deal. You would have accepted it. That doesn't mean you wouldn't all of a sudden be turned on by larger breasts, but it just would be not a dealbreaker like it isn't for most guys when they find someone who they really connect with.
So, don't feel bad about that part of it. You have a right to feel the loss. It was a long term relationship. But you also had the right to break it off. Because I've seen in therapy people who are closed off emotionally like you describe. And it doesn't get easier as they age. So, you have the right to keep looking for someone who is more connecting and with whom you can feel more connected and united.
Okay, I wish you the very best!
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