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Dr. Mark
Dr. Mark, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 5334
Experience:  Dr. Mark is a PhD in psychology helping with relationships
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I have a relationship question. Please help me gain perspective.

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I have a relationship question. Please help me gain perspective.

I've been dating someone about 4 years. We recently broke up. We were friends first.

there were a few issues that were difficult for me to get past.

1. She is a quiet person and doesn't talk and share a lot of stuff. She's very quiet in front of my friends, maybe a few sentences in a night out. Other nights, she may be more open. Because of this, I'm not really sure I know her enough to marry her, even after this much time.
2. She doesn't have an array of facial expressions and is mainly straight faced. I've taken her to comedy clubs and she is usually straight faced, but will say it was really funny and that laughed afterword. She is really confusing to me since other people around her are howling with laughter.
3. Our sex life is ok. However, not too much emotion is involved. Mainly kissing and going through the motions. Not passionate, jump your bones kissing and sensual sex like i've experienced before.
4. ok, this is the superficial one. I'm very attracted to large breasts. she has nice breasts, but it's just something I'm attracted to. am I being superficial on this one in the dating world?

Thanks

Hi! I'm glad to hear from you again.

But I'm sorry it's about your having broken up with your girlfriend and your being bummed about it. On one hand, though, that you're feeling bad about the breakup is a good thing because it was a 4 year relationship. So it means that you gave your heart to this relationship.


And that's a central problem that existed: giving her heart openly and freely was something very difficult for her. And it was too confusing. That is very often the case. When a person is very emotionally closed and stiff, it's very hard to feel like the relationship is fulfilling and what you really want.


And this gets us to the breasts issue. I understand. It's a part of our society and it's a turn on to most guys. And I bet the following, which is true for most guys would be true for you as well:


If she were an open, sharing, easier to read person who loved you in a way that made you feel truly united with her, that her breasts were not large would have been noticed by you but would not have been a really big deal. You would have accepted it. That doesn't mean you wouldn't all of a sudden be turned on by larger breasts, but it just would be not a dealbreaker like it isn't for most guys when they find someone who they really connect with.


So, don't feel bad about that part of it. You have a right to feel the loss. It was a long term relationship. But you also had the right to break it off. Because I've seen in therapy people who are closed off emotionally like you describe. And it doesn't get easier as they age. So, you have the right to keep looking for someone who is more connecting and with whom you can feel more connected and united.

Okay, I wish you the very best!

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Hi! I'm very glad that I was able to help you with this. I appreciate your positive rating and thank you so much for the bonus as well. If I can help you in the future in any way, please don't hesitate to let me know.


All the best,
Dr. Mark