Seeking expert testimony is a sign of strength. A personal relationship with a caring professional is proven clinically effective.
I believe that I can help.
It seems that you have put yourself in a situation with a less than open and honest man. This affair will lead only to your heartbreak and pain.
This was something you actually could control but chose not to because you wanted to enjoy the pleasure of the moment.
Is he really the man you have been looking for all of your life? A man who will cheat and lie on his fiancee?
He loves her enough to marry her and if you were really the woman he has been looking for all of HIS life then he has found you and would marry YOU, and not lose you.
He wants to get married and continue the affair afterwards. He asks if he can hang out with you in social settings, after he gets married, but he just wants to continue the affair.
You are enjoying yourself a great deal, but you are going to be hurt and his wife-to-be is going to be hurt, and so will any other women he is seeing as well.
You did ask for advice. I urge you to end this affair right away. Try to see the situation realistically and project a bit into the future.
The longer you wait, the more pain it will be for YOU. He is using you, and his fiancee and does not really care about the possibility of causing great pain to others. He is probably a narcissist and loves the attention - and, is not capable of feeling empathy for others.
Need some help breaking this off? It's not divorce, but it is splitting.
Try this book:
I wish you courage and strength and shall keep you in my prayers.
Elliott, MAE, LPCC, NCC, CCMHC