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Dr. Mark
Dr. Mark, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 5334
Experience:  Dr. Mark is a PhD in psychology helping with relationships
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We live 1100 miles apart and she wants me to sell my house

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We live 1100 miles apart and she wants me to sell my house quit my job and move to her and her son. We have known each other for 13 years and deeply in love. However she has never finalized her divorce from years ago. They do not talk but the paper are legal.
She rents and her son is not doing well in school. I am currently have incredible opportunity at work. My home has depreciated by 25, K.

She does not understand why I will not consider moving to her city. We is your take on this.

Hi! I'll be glad to help you with this issue.

I can imagine how frustrating this situation must be for you. Wow, this is a difficult question. You're both good people but your needs are not the same right now. You are clearly in love with her and you have been together for a long time in this relationship. I don't know all the economics of your house and the implications of selling it, but there's really an elephant in the room and it is very concerning here: she is a married woman.

And this is actually the key to my answer to you that you need to consider and think about. She may want to look at herself as a divorcee, but she's not. She's legally married to that man. I don't know what her moral outlook is and it's fine if she doesn't consider legalities to be important, but they are how the world works. We are a society of laws.

Along with this you are uncomfortable with this lack of clarity in her status. I imagine you've made it known that you would like her to take care of this issue as it is an issue for you. That she has not in these many years is of concern.

I am sure that she must be a really great person for you to want to remain in the relationship this long, but it does sound all very one-way. I understand that with a child at home she may not want to uproot her son. But for her to ask you to make such dramatic changes in your life when she has not felt she needs to honor your needs here for her to clear up her legal status is a tough one, I can imagine.

I am also very concerned about your giving up a good employment situation at this time. Our country is going through very real economic upheavals. There are so many people who have found that there are no new jobs that are full time, only part time work because of the uncertainty. This is very real and it can wreak havoc on you as a man and as a person trying to support yourself. This is not a great time to reject any good situation you might have.

So as I said, you're both good people and I can imagine the desire to be together is very prominent. But for you to make this move right now is a scary thing to do and I think you need to convey that to her.

Okay, I wish you the very best!

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Hi! I'm very glad that I was able to help you with this and thank you for your positive rating. If I can help you in the future in any way, please don't hesitate to let me know.

All the best,
Dr. Mark