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TherapistMaryAnn, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 5809
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
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"Kate" McCoy im thinking about writing her an e-mail. What

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"Kate" McCoy

i'm thinking about writing her an e-mail. What do you think of this:

I went to LA for a week to help clear my mind, but i also realized that it was the perfect opportunity to ruminate, away from everyone and everything. At first, I tried to make myself feel better, but when i actually examined the evidence, I was horrified by what I saw. For months, I put you down and shut you out. All you were trying to do was help me, spend more time with me, talk with me. I can't imagine the pain that you must have endured. You put up with so much, for so long. I'm ashamed of myself. I neglected the person i valued most. I'm so sorry.

I was incredibly stressed out with my living situation here. It was a prison for me. It drove me mad. I projected my stress onto you rather than sharing those feelings with you, rather than expressing them to you and letting you in.

you said once that I loved you, but didn't like you. The truth is i really, really liked you. So i built a wall. I think i was afraid of what it all could mean. I was stuck. I'm sorry it took me so long to catch up.

Is there anything that i can do for you? Anything you need from me?
This is a good email. You took the time to break down why you acted as you did then you were empathic regarding how she must have felt. You also talked about things she said to you, which means you not only heard her but that you remembered what she said. That indicates that her feelings are important to you.

You might want to add a part about what step you would like to take from here. Asking her what you can do for her is great. You can also add that you would like to talk to her for example. Just talk though. She may still have her guard up about what happened and she also may need the time to work on her trust with you. So go slowly. But suggesting a next step helps give her something to respond to.

Customer: replied 3 years ago.

just add at the end that maybe we could talk sometime? i see your point about including an actionable step, but i felt liked i owed her an apology free of motive this time. is there anything that seems to be lacking beyond that?

That would work as well. Make it a point to let her know you are open to talking to her anytime she is ready. But beyond that, your email is good. I wouldn't change anything else.

Customer: replied 3 years ago.

maybe....if you'd like to talk sometime, i'll listen?

Or you might want to try, "I would like (or love) to talk with you sometime when you feel ready". Then imply that there is no pressure, just talking. You can also add "I miss you" or something that lets her know that you want to connect.

I hope my answers were helpful to you. The email seems well written and with the additions should be great. If you have any more questions, let me know.

However, if you're satisfied with my response, please rate me highly. Thanks!

Customer: replied 3 years ago.

i will. i'm just trying to think. im worried that its too much. i dont want to push her away either, but i guess its my only play.

No matter how you look at it, saying you are sorry is the best policy. She was hurt, so telling her that you feel bad for what happened would be good to do whether you intended on resuming the relationship or not. You always want to say you are sorry if you are at fault. No one can blame you for doing that. And it helps you and it will help her. Even if things would happen not to work out she can always say you tried to make up for it. So that is not being pushy. Plus you are giving this your best shot. No matter what happens, you want to be able to say you at least did that. You want to have the least amount of regrets as possible, especially in relationships.

TherapistMaryAnn and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Thank you very much! Let me know how things work out.


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