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Norman M.
Norman M., Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 2568
Experience:  ADHP(NC), DHP, ECP, UKCP Registered, 10 years in relationship counselling, over 2,000 satisfied mental health customers.
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I've been in a relationship on and off for 5 yrs with a woman I truly love who is bipolar II.....Six months ago she text me one day saying she could no longer see me anymore as I have not been supportive toward her etc.....I let her be for a month...sent her a card and we got back together this past week, the anniversary of her father's death while in therapy she got into a panic attack and they had to submit her to the hospital....haven't heard from her in 3 days and she finally text me saying she can no longer see me anymore as her doctors had not allow her to do so because I was a trigger to her heath...she then said she had mailed me a letter and for me to read it....told me not to call her anymore etc and for me to respect her and her recovery.....I got the letter the other day and I thought it was going to say the same thing as last time...instead the letter had stated that while in the hospital she was thinking about what to do about our relationship..she said she knows I love her alot but after review of our relationship she no longer feel same love she does for me...she has tried to fall in love again but due to my negativities it had faded away as well as part of the reasoning for her triggering...she said she can no longer provide love and for me to find someone who can as she no longer can....she thank me for everything and stated she will be retuening my cell phone (which I got for her and $60 she owed me)....I'm confused before she went to hospital she had text me calling me sweetie, will let me know what will happen at the hospital and just 2 weeks ago we went to Kings Dominion and had a fun time....few days later I went to her place and she made dinner....I'm this time for real ?please advice....Thanx!

Firstly, no-one can say with any certainty what eactly she wants, except herself. This is not the time for her - or you - to make far reaching decisions.

In all probability, this is the result of her bipolar disorder. When people are going through a bipolar episode, they are often not in a position to think clearly, and to assess what they really want. I suspect that this is what is happening here. I suggest that you give her some time and space, but resume contact - gently - after she comes out of hospital and is stable again.

I certainly would not make any final decisions about the relationship at this time.

I hope this helps.

Customer: replied 4 years ago.
Thanx for replying ..... What would you suggest at this time and do you think what she said was whatvshevreally meant at the time?
Give her time and space, and start to re-establish the relationship after she is well again.

She probably DID really mean what she said at the time, but remember, at that point, her judgement was probably very clouded, leading her to inaccurate and inappropriate conclusions. You will only find out for sure after she has become stable again after her bipolar episode, but truthfully, I don´t think you really need worry.
Customer: replied 4 years ago.
Thanx......she had said that some of my negatvities is why her love faded and also is a trigger to her.... I wasn't with her last week when she got her panic attack while seeing her therapist and had to be taken to hospital by ambulance. Now she said her therapist says she cannot see my anymore. She also wrote the letter while in hospital.... how can she think well while hospitalized .... She's out now.... This is what I don't understand...
It is going to take a little while - couple of weeks maybe - for her to stabilize completely after being discharged from hospital. Provided, of course, that she is fully compliant with her medications.

As things are at present, she still probably cannot see things too clearly. I think too that she may have got it wrong about her therapist. It would be wise to check. She still needs time so above all, don´t push too hard for answers. Be gentle calm and as supportive as you can, and that will help her chances of a faster recovery.
Customer: replied 4 years ago.
I had written her a letter already letting her I know I understood her decision and was willing to be her friend and help her in any which I can ....of course I'm not going to call or text her anytime soon.... I had bought her a Ravens jersey previously before this happened and was planning on giving it to her next month as well as a card with something to help her with meds....She still has my cell phone and been using it which I don't mind but she told me in letter she would return it.... why still have it ifvshecwants nothing to do with me??
Simply, I suspect, because her feelings are still confused - and frightening to her.

As I say, she needs time - lots of it - to get her head around things and be able to react logically.
Customer: replied 4 years ago.
I understand this is the third this happened except she never told me she was longer in love with me..... not sure if it is her true feelings or like you said her confusion because just few weeks ago we were at amusement park having good time not mention texting me calling me sweetie etc......this all happened on the anniversary day of her father death.... she has taken that not too well
Really, I´m quite clear in my own mind that this whole issue is a direct result of her medical problem, and perhaps, this latest crisis may have been provoked by the anniversary of her father´s death. I´m equally sure that her true feelings will become clear once she has settled down again. When these crises come on, it can be very rapid indeed - a matter of minutes with no obvious warning, I´m afraid.
Norman M. and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 4 years ago.
I feel sorry for people with this.... being with her fir 5 yrs I totally understand what she goes thru it just that recently it seemed it got worse. I just don't see how things can go back especially after she said she wasn't in love agin even though she said she tried.....

Customer: replied 4 years ago.
If I send her card next month and $ to help her out is that bad idea?
Customer: replied 4 years ago.
You still there?
Customer: replied 4 years ago.

Hi Norman How are recently answeered questions about my GF and her bipolar issue and your answers were very understandable......yes I am hurt by all her issues and actions and per you you said to give her time and space by which I am.....I told her she can still use the cell phone I got her which I pay for in my account.....what I cannot understand is if she had told me week ago after writing her letter she no longer loves me and our relationship has no future why still use my cell and instead just return it and cut all ties with me?

Seems to me that as yet, she does not really know what she wants at the moment.
Customer: replied 4 years ago.
I don't see your response
Customer: replied 4 years ago.
Ok I found it ..... Sobwhatvwouldvu recommend? Do you think if she returns the phone then she will definitely lose all ties with me and afraid shell never hear from me again?
I don´t think the phone in itself is a real issue here. Her own mental state is, and that is going to take time for her to resolve. Please try to be patient.
Customer: replied 4 years ago.
I just got s text from asking me to release the number as she wants to get her own acct.... Replied telling her I didn't mind doing so and was willing to help her ... she replied saying she didn't want to be like my ex girl friends and was important yo her that I font pay for her ....I then text her back letting her I didn't see it that way and I'm willing to help her... she hasn't replied back.... so dies this mean its probably the end then ?
No, I don´t think it is. Keep in touch with her.
Customer: replied 4 years ago.
She hasn't replied since last text if its not the end then why bother to ask ....I told her that being friends is probably healthier and better for us ....but she told me to divas she asked ... what I suggest
Don´t see any reason why you should not do as requested!
Customer: replied 4 years ago.
True but if she goes to pre pay I will be hit with s terminating fee of $350 and I don't think she can afford a plan of her own..... you think if I insist it make get worse on how she feels toward me?
Consider - $350 is no small amount of money to gamble on someone else´s possible response. I don´t know how it would make her feel - it would be unfair of me to say, as it would be just an uninformed guess. If I was in your shoes I would not just blow the $350 - but that is just what I would do, not my advice to you. You are in a better position to make that judgement call.
Customer: replied 4 years ago.
Which is why I rather she stay on my account I just dont want to upset her more and am just trying to help her .....I really just think this us the end don't you see it that way?
Customer: replied 4 years ago.
Hi Norman I'm confused....out of the blue she text me telling me she is in the ER this evening not doing well physically again with major acid reflux, stomach burning dizziness and weakness and feel horrible and was waiting for cats can..... I replied telling to hang in there and if she needed anything to let me know ......she replied thanking me saying she will let me know how things go......ok why the change of mood all of a sudden.... I'm confused again....
I think what you have to understand that for people with BPD, mood swings are inevitable, as are sudden and inexplicable changes of mind. That´s simply how it is, and all you can do is go along with it until she is stable again.
Customer: replied 4 years ago.
So her saying she is no longer in love with me is part of her mood change? Sounds like she still wants me around then?
It could well be!
Customer: replied 4 years ago.
You were right when you told me I had nothing to worry about and to give her space...... last time it took her month or so before shevstartingbtalking to me again.... this time it came out if the blue......shall I just continue giving her space and support her as I told her I would..... She still has not text me back letting me know howvshecis doing
I think you should continue to give her space and gentle support.
Customer: replied 4 years ago.
So chances are she will seek me again?
I hope so.
Customer: replied 4 years ago.
Thanx....I guess people with this disease moods is unstable and changes then ...
Customer: replied 4 years ago.
Hi Norman, hope you had great day.......I did finally get a text from her yesterday morning and all she said was doctors didn't find anything and had told her to contact her GI doctor.... that's it haven't heard from her since .... shall I just let her be and wait for her to contact me again, if she does.... or do you think I will hear from her again?
I expect she will contact you again.
Customer: replied 4 years ago.
I know she's be calling this male friend of hers lately could it be she's losing interest in me or just someone close to her she can talk to about her issues.... also shall I'll not make contact with her at all .... by the way with the cell phone issue I told her I didn't mind paying for it...she hadn't said anything more about it....