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Ask Eleanor
Ask Eleanor, Therapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1517
Experience:  Marriage & Family Therapist with 20 Years Experience
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Ok, so I work in a church as a musician. Theres this new girl,

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Ok, so I work in a church as a musician. There's this new girl, or actually, woman, that's been coming in the past few weeks. She's very pretty, looks like she's late 40s, early 50s, but believe me, she has the figure of a 25 year-old. I definitely want to go up to her and talk to her next week. Thing is, I'm overweight (235 pound-guy, and losing weight), so I'm a little conflicted here. She has every opportunity to bring her husband or boyfriend to church with her, but doesn't, and from what I can see she doesn't have a ring on her finger. What do older women in this kind of situation do? Are they flattered because someone so much younger (31) is taking an interest in them? Or do they apply the same (strict) standards of a 20 year-old and think that if the guy doesn't have six-pack abs, isn't gorgeous (I look fine), etc. they won't go for him? I'm imagining that at that age if you're single it sometimes gets harder to meet someone?
Hello, I am happy to answer your question as a therapist and as a woman who has been through her late 40s, early 50s. I think she would be very flattered if you show interest in her, talk with her next week at church. Most women her age are looking for an emotional connection, someone with whom they can really talk and be themselves. This is not to say that physical appearance is not important, but much less so than when they were in their 20s. The age difference also matters less a we get older. As you say you look fine, I would not worry about what she will think of your appearance. She may be coming to church because she is lonely and would be delighted to talk with you. So go for it and see what happens; the two of you may really hit if off, as they say. Hope this helps. Chat back if you have questions. Good luck and take care, Eleanor
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Customer: replied 4 years ago.

what about intimacy? Is that something that is still relevant to a woman at her particular life stage?

Yes, sexual intimacy is not only still relevant, but much desired by most women her age; in fact, women are usually at their sexual peak at her time in life. Glad you asked, Eleanor