My gf and I were planning on getting engaged next weekend. However, over the past few months, I've slowly been losing physical attraction to her.
Before everyone yells at me saying how shallow, crass, and inconsiderate that is, please understand that when you truly fall in love with someone (which I did July, 2012), you fall in love with ALL of them (including physical). When I propose, I want there to be NO hesitation, no doubts, no inhibitions, nothing holding me back. I need it to be perfect.
Yes, I know that puts me as an insecure guy who needs his gf/fiancé/wife to look great, but its just the way I'm wired. However, it's better to have a non-pressured, non-hesitant proposal, than to propose when you're not 100% sure about making the commitment.
Anyway, enough about my disclaimer. We WERE planning on getting engaged real soon, , so I guess that pressure was getting to me, and so I told her a few nights ago that I wasn't ready to get engaged. I told her I needed more time to work on my heart, to try to mold it to not view physical attraction so important. I also asked that in the meantime, she try to help out from her end (by getting back to what she weighed when we first met (about 25-30 pounds less). Of course, this broke her heart. We talked all night, and then the next night, trying to work out a plan. Finally, two nights ago, she broke up with me. But the next morning, she calls me and tells me she made a mistake. We met up for lunch and talked about it for a couple hours. I, once again, mentioned my idea that we could either go on a break, or just stay together, until my heart was ready. I told her I would work on my heart, but that any significant change was unlikely...because personal preferences are always hard to change (i.e. could anyone easily change their preferences to be attracted to people that are in their 70's? Well, maybe, but it is unlikely to TRULY be able to changed personal tastes like that.) I told her that this basically left the change up to her. She said she was willing to lose the weight, unit, I re-found that physical spark that I need to feel 100% uninhibited about making a lifelong commitment.
So thought the day, I feeling quite satisfied with the situation, but then she calls me over last night to talk again. This time, she said that she couldn't wait for my heart to be ready, but that she needed a commitment to propose ASAP, or that we would break up. Long story short, I can't force myself to propose, I just can't. It's too large of a commitment to just propose without feeling 100% sure of it. So we broke up, again. But this time, she wanted to meet up in two weeks, so I can see the progress that she's made, and if we decide to get back together then, then that's great. But as of now, there's technically no intention of getting back together.
There are some other circumstances, such as her leaving the state for a 6-month military assignment 1200 miles away, on Sept 9. So that puts a time constraint. There's also the fact that she was diagnosed with a disfunctioning thyroid that was causing her to lose weight.
She just picked up the thyroid medicine yesterday, but since all these talks, she's lost 10 pounds already, trying to convince me that she WILL lose the weight. And last night at our talk, she did already show some progress, and I felt that spark coming back.
So my question is this: if I were to commit to a proposal NOW, would that be the same as waiting two weeks to see the physical change, and then committing? Because, if I commit now, I'm trusting that she will keep her word and lose the extra 15-20 pounds on top of the 10 pounds she already lost. And if I wait two weeks to see the progress, then I'm still committing to the relationship under her commitment to maintain that weight as best as she can for the rest of our lives. Does this makes sense?
The fact that she already lost 10 pounds and is already looking better, and that she told me she would maintain her weight for the rest of her life, now that she knows how important it is to me, is very encouraging to me, and relieves my hesitation that I voiced to her 5 days ago. But I'd also like to see some weight loss progress, due to her commitment to me, or maybe due to the thyroid medicine.
What do y'all think I should do? How long should I wait? She really is absolutely perfect for me, and the only hesitation I had was just due to the dwindling physical spark. But I feel that is guaranteed to come back soon, and is just around the corner!