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How do I respond to husbands note

My husband has been giving...

My husband has been giving me the silent treatment for 2 weeks. It started because I asked him to plan on doing some end of summer clean up with me. I told him today I would be willing to talk with him when he is ready to communicate with me without anger (he screams alot over little things.) The response I got is below; how do I respond to this? I am very hurt. I am his wife, we always liked to go on walks. My Mom has Alzheimers and I get no support from my brother and I tell my husband how overwhelmed I feel.


 


From him:"I really have nothing to say to you. You are constantly either starting arguments and guilt-trips or complaining-about your family, your job, the house, or me. I don't want to do things with you because you complain and whine. Nothing is good enough. Life is depressing enough without that crap. I need to try to stay healthy.As bad as the environment is, I need to go outside to get exercise. You refuse to do anything but take walks, and you complain when walking. I'm really sick and tired of it."


 


PS - hoping to get a response since the site said you were online; I am feeling pretty bad right now.


 


 

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Answered in 39 minutes by:
8/24/2013
Elliott, LPCC, NCC
Elliott, LPCC, NCC, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 7,664
Experience: 35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
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Dear friend,

I believe that I can help.

Your husband is very depressed and probably suffering from Major Depressive Disorder.

He has some of the symptoms, incwhich are:

-depressed mood

-decreased interest or pleasure in most activities

-PERHAPS changes in his eating or sleeping habits with weight gain or loss

-increase or decrease in psychomotor activity

-fatigue and loss of energy

-lowered feelings of self-worth

-lowered level of concentration or thinking

-perhaps thoughts about his mortality ("I need to try to stay healthy")

-high level of irritability

He clearly states that "life is depressing enough"

He desperately needs some help in the form of psychotherapy or even some antidepressant mediation.

You cannot have a life with him this way and the best way to survive in the short term is to stop trying to please him..

If he gives you the silent treatment then there is no need to continue being his servant and being paid with contempt. Withdraw from him, stop providing his any services until he agrees to seek help.

The purpose is not to punish him, but rather to apply leverage to him.

It is unacceptable that he expects meals, laundry, and any chore you do for him without his acknowledging you and treating you with dignity and respect.

You may even consider spending some time away from your home and leaving him on his own. If he doesn't reconsider and doesn't care and won't for help you basically have two options:

One is to continue to endure whatever he throws at you.

The other is to be proactive and return this ignoring of you by ignoring him on your own terms, asking him to get help, or ultimately ending the relationship.

This will not correct itself and you will have to do what you can to either salvage the relationship or end it. It will not heal itself.

I shall keep you in my prayers.

Warm regards,

Elliott, MAE, LPCC, NCC, CCMHC


Elliott, LPCC, NCC
Elliott, LPCC, NCC, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 7,664
Experience: 35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
Verified
Elliott, LPCC, NCC and 87 other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
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Customer reply replied 4 years ago

Thank you. I needed some affirmation. I too am suffering, watching a parent regress with Alzheimers. I have been toying with see a lawyer (I owned the house before our marriage) to get a head start on ensuring I am protected in some way. I know he likes to take painkillers, I have tried to let his doctor know the behavior that results, but they do nothing.

Ask Elliott, LPCC, NCC Your Own Question
Elliott, LPCC, NCC
Elliott, LPCC, NCC
Elliott, LPCC, NCC, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 7,664
7,664 Satisfied Customers
Experience: 35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.

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