I met a man who works in my building. He's a little older and divorced. He asked me to lunch a few times to get to know me. I wasn't sure at the time, but I felt like he was trying to get to know me as a dating prospect. I looked him up on a social networking site and he spent a lot of time with someone as though he had a girlfriend. So this had me confused.
After a few lunches he sent me a friend request and talked to me for an entire evening. I asked about some of the pictures on his profile and he readily said, "Oh that's my girlfriend." I thought maybe I was wrong about him wanting to date me and he is just trying to be friends.
Fast forward a few weeks and he sent some messages to the social site flirting and trying to get a flirty conversation going. I went with it. A few days ago I get some texts from him (at this point I gave him my number) and he was flirting with me and told me that he can't stop thinking about me. He said he wished I was with him. The conversation lasted for quite a while. I still hadn't brought up his girlfriend. I was trying to figure out, is this guy a cheater, is something missing from his relationship, or is looking for a better deal. He said he wanted to go to lunch at the end of the week which was the only day he had available. These messages seemed pretty serious to me and I didn't feel that he was just trying to play.
So I sent him a message at work asking what time he wanted to leave for lunch. I sat and waited and it became apparent that he must have left. I went out and came back later and he was at his desk, never read my message. So I walked to his desk and asked directly if he read it. He said no, looked it up and said, "Oh I forgot about that. Something came up. Next week!" He could tell by the look on my face I was not happy and I walked away. He sent an IM saying he was sorry and he really did forget. I told him that I thought he was flaky. By that I meant that he had stood me up that day and there was another occasion where we were supposed to do lunch but he later then said "Maybe." I felt like he was trying to make some sort of power play with me so I said "No thanks." Whether or not people go to lunch with me doesn't bother me, I'm an adult and I can go to lunch by myself. So it annoys me that anyone might try to make a power play out of it like I'm dying to go to lunch with them.
He was very upset and worried after this afternoon and asked if we could meet after work to talk to which I said No. He said he had a girlfriend and his kids and that "flirting was fun, but…" and that he didn't want to lead me on. All I said was okay. He asked again for me to meet up with him and I said that I was angry at how he treated me, that I thought he was flaky and that I didn't feel it was a good idea as I wasn't going to be very nice to him. He said he wanted me to talk to him later and tell him what I meant by flaky.
I have never dated a man who was married or in a relationship and I don't want to change now. I was open to hearing him out as to whether or not his relationship wasn't working out and seeing if he was interested in me. I know looks aren't everything but I am younger than his girlfriend and look young for my age. I am considered attractive and workout a lot. I thought maybe they fight a lot or one isn't in love with the other who knows. And I was curious if maybe he thought I was a better prospect.
Why did he do this? Was he just drunk that evening and having a moment? Is he wanting to be with me and chickened out? I can forgive the flirting and be just friends, but not being stood up. I do not intend to go to lunch with him again for a very long time. I want him to realize I'm not interested in being toyed around with.
I know he will text me over the weekend and I haven't completely figured out what to say yet.