Relationship

Have Relationship Questions? Ask a Counselor for Answers ASAP

Ask an Expert,
Get an Answer ASAP!

Relationship
This answer was rated:

Ive been in a relationship on and off for 5 yrs with a woman

I've been in a relationship...
I've been in a relationship on and off for 5 yrs with a woman I truly love who is bipolar II.....Six months ago she text me one day saying she could no longer see me anymore as I have not been supportive toward her etc.....I let her be for a month...sent her a card and we got back together again....now this past week, the anniversary of her father's death while in therapy she got into a panic attack and they had to submit her to the hospital....haven't heard from her in 3 days and she finally text me saying she can no longer see me anymore as her doctors had not allow her to do so because I was a trigger to her heath...she then said she had mailed me a letter and for me to read it....told me not to call her anymore etc and for me to respect her and her recovery.....I got the letter the other day and I thought it was going to say the same thing as last time...instead the letter had stated that while in the hospital she was thinking about what to do about our relationship..she said she knows I love her alot but after review of our relationship she no longer feel same love she does for me...she has tried to fall in love again but due to my negativities it had faded away as well as part of the reasoning for her triggering...she said she can no longer provide love and for me to find someone who can as she no longer can....she thank me for everything and stated she will be retuening my cell phone (which I got for her and $60 she owed me)....I'm confused before she went to hospital she had text me calling me sweetie, will let me know what will happen at the hospital and just 2 weeks ago we went to Kings Dominion and had a fun time....few days later I went to her place and she made dinner....I'm confused......is this time for real or is it her health and bipolar talking to her as well as her therapists not allowing her to see me anymore....last time I left her alone and gave her space for month and half and she called me back again...not so sure now.....please advice....Thanx!
Show More
Show Less
Ask Your Own Relationship Question
Answered in 18 minutes by:
8/23/2013
Jen Helant
Jen Helant, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1,386
Experience: I have a degree in psychology and worked with many couples. I am happily married and have been for 10 years.
Verified
Hi and welcome back.

I understand how frustrating this must be for you. Bipolar is a very difficult illness to live with and not only for the individuals whom have it, but also for their loved ones, friends, and family. I can not tell you if indeed it is over this time. However, I would advise you to take this time to think about the relationship and if you truly want this for your life. This is because even if it is her illness talking which can very well be since she is in treatment now this may be the pattern of the future of your relationship. A significant aspect of bipolar are the "highs" and the "lows". It may be for real , may be due to the doctors trying to help, or can be mixed feelings and emotions. When bipolar patients are not stable and need treatment they usually are not in their "right" minds to make any important decisions. It really comes down to you deciding if you want to wait to see if this is truly what she wants and if you are willing to go through this for the years to come. Relationships with a bipolar person can be unpredictable. I would recommend researching about the illness in order to decide if you truly want this for your life as you then would need to accept the unstableness of it.

I wish you all the best and please let me know if I can be of further help.

Jen
Ask Your Own Relationship Question
Customer reply replied 4 years ago

I know about bipolar disease and I know whenever she goes thru panic attacks she gets like this...this time it was her dad's anniversary death and she told me before all this happened it was going to be a rough week for her.....I just cannot understand how 2 weeks ago we went to an amusement park, had fun together...she went to the beach following week to visit a friend and bought me a shirt and shot glass from there...and now week later she says she is no longer in love.....I agree with you it could be her illness as well as her doctor's telling her not to see me anymore.....she stated I was a trigger to her anxiety due to some of my negative looks at things.....I sent her a letter today thanking her for her love and apologizing her for my negativity driving her love away from me and told her I will be her friend and if she ever needs me to let me know.....I haven't text or call or since....only been 4 days....So you're not sure if this is for real this time or just what she is going to...after all she had to be taken by ambulance to a hospital from her therapist office after her panic attack.....I been with her for 5 yrs and know what I have to go thru...I love her alot though.....

I think that you have good insight to all of this and this is important. You both have been together a long time and things did seem to be going well, so I can not say for sure, but it is surely a strong possibility that her action has to do with her illness. It sounds like everything was wonderful a little before and your confusion is justifies. This is why i believe the chance of it being her illness are extremely high. You did the right thing in writing that letter to her. The anniversary of her father's death is also a huge aspect that could have also helped trigger this breakdown. It seems like you love her a lot and you want to do everything in your power to save the relationship. If you are sure this is what you want then I would suggest giving her space and waiting it out and see what happens when she gets better then go from there. You already wrote a letter letting her know how you feel and that you are there for her. I would take this time to focus on yourself and work on any issue that you think can hinder the relationship, such as the negativity you had mentioned. That way if she does come back you will be that much stronger and positive for the relationship. Even in the worse case that you both did not get back you will still be taking care of yourself and doing what is best for you in the relationship as well as outside of it.
Ask Your Own Relationship Question
Customer reply replied 4 years ago
I just find it strange few days before she went to the hospital she was texting me calling me sweetie (as she always dud ) and two days latercshectells me she doesntvsee our relationship going anywhere as she tried to love me again but can't .... so I'm not really sure if she is serious this time or like you said her illness she's goingbthrubright now..... sounds like same issue I went through 6 months agobexceptvbak then she didn't tell me she wasn't in love with me. What you suggest this time?
It really does sound the same to me based on everything you explained. For her to just change out of nowhere when everything was going well and being that she had done this before shows that it is more than likely it is due to her illness. This is common in these patients. When they are ill they may say and do things that they really do not mean. They may even think there loved ones are against them or want to hurt them. Since she is in treatment now I would respect her wishes, but it would be impossible to take what she is saying seriously since she is not herself right now. I would try your best to wait it out then go from there. But again it really does sound like her illness and not her true feelings based on the entire situation.
Ask Your Own Relationship Question
Customer reply replied 4 years ago
So would you suggest to just leave her alone like last time, which lasted month and half? I planned on sending hervhiwcare you card next month.... I know she will be having some spinal surgery next month and maybe a get well card letting her know I'm thinking if her.... Ms, Helent this poor girl is sick just about every day whether it's her illness or her back or something....by way she is 45 and I'm 51.... I never been marked neither her .... her family disowned her when she was 18.... she has really gone thru a lot..... I had bought her a Ravens jersey I wanted to give her for football season next month..... shall I still send it to her.....no to mention she till has my cell phone I'm paying for she said she would return which I told her to keep anyway..... what u suggest ? And Thanx for your great replies as it is making me get an open mind if all this.
It is my pleasure to help and I do understand how difficult this is. I would give her some space for a while until she gets better and see if she contacts you. If not i would give her a call or send her a letter to see how she is doing. I would also remind her of how you feel and confirm where the two of you stand because sometimes when the patient is better from the episode they may not remember everything that was said and done and could possibly distort the truth. This would be good to confirm everything so there is no miscommunication. However, I would first give her time to contact you. In th meantime if you at both friends I would send her the get well card. That would be nice and thoughtful. She will also see that you remembered and care. You can also send her the jersey along with a note letting her know you had bought it previously and wanted to give it to her anyway. As for the phone you already told her to keep it so I would see what she does from here. Then when she gets better you can make a clearer decision as to which road to take with the phone depending how it all plays out and what you are wanting to do.

I hope this was all helpful and I will be here anytime you may need, so feel free to follow up anytime.
Ask Your Own Relationship Question
Customer reply replied 4 years ago
Yes very helpful .... so you think this is a breakdown of what happened 6 mos ago with a different twist and do yiunthinkninwill ever hear from her again. ?
No one knows for sure what she feels, but looking at things objectively it does seem to me to be due to the breakdown she is currently having similar to what happened 6 months ago, but like you said with a different twist. I highly doubt that is her true feelings. I think when she is better and thinking clearly she will contact you.
Ask Your Own Relationship Question
Customer reply replied 4 years ago
Even if therapists are telling her she not allow to see me anymore?
Unless you were abusive to her then they may be giving her a recommendation as to what they think is best for her currently. However, when she is out of the hospital it is up to her to make her own decisions unless she is legally under the care of another. Therapist can make suggestions, but do not have the right nor power to rule in ones life.
Ask Your Own Relationship Question
Customer reply replied 4 years ago
No in 5 yrs I been with her I have never been abusive to her.I have always respected her .... she has a picking issue to her arms and legs due to her anxiety and I have told to stop every now and then and she dislikes it saying it triggers her so I have stopped but only thing I can see its like she said I have some negativity in me that' triggers her and by that I mean my views toward way things are happening worldwide.... After review of all we have talked I think you are correct her illness may have made her decisions she is not aware..... so you justvsuggestvto give time and sending a hinkng if you card hurt in anyway?




I agree with you. Sometimes when people try to help as you were when you suggested she stopped picking herself others can take it the wrong way. As she is not well right now she may bring things up to the doctors as your views on the world and that you are a trigger when you do not want her to pick herself, so they try to remove these things from her. This may be best while under treatment, but not long term. It is obvious to me that you care about her and the fact you ask her to stop picking herself is to help her. I believe that even when our loved ones have problems it is our goal to help them when we truly love them and not just keep them comfortable by allowing them to do things that are not good for them. Of course that is the easy route and sometimes we may resort to that when our help is pushed to the side, but it is always good to do our part and try just as you have done. It sounds like you want the best for her. I would surely give her space, but I do not think there is anything wrong with sending a card. I would just take it easy and send one or two and just wait until she heals.
Ask Your Own Relationship Question
Customer reply replied 4 years ago
Last question I promise ..... You have been great and will definitely get an excellent service because it was great service and not just I wanted to hear..... what is chance I will ever hear from her again and just give me an honest answer and not what I want to hear
Thank you and I do believe in honest answers. All of my answers have been what I honestly feel. There is really no number I can put on it, but based on everything you told me I believe the chances of you hearing from her again are extremely high. In my opinion I think there is much more chance she will contact you as she did before than not. I do not want to get your hopes up, but that is truly my honest answer.
Jen Helant
Jen Helant, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1,386
Experience: I have a degree in psychology and worked with many couples. I am happily married and have been for 10 years.
Verified
Jen Helant and 87 other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Ask your own question now
Customer reply replied 4 years ago
Thank you so much fir your help in helping me clear this out..... is it ok if I let you know how this progresses and if so I do I go out doing it?
THIS ANSWER IS LOCKED!
You can view this answer by clicking here to Register or Login and paying $3.
If you've already paid for this answer, simply Login.
Ask Your Own Relationship Question
Ask Jen Helant Your Own Question
Jen Helant
Jen Helant
Jen Helant, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1,386
1,386 Satisfied Customers
Experience: I have a degree in psychology and worked with many couples. I am happily married and have been for 10 years.

Jen Helant is online now

A new question is answered every 9 seconds

How JustAnswer works:

  • Ask an ExpertExperts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional AnswerVia email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site. Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction GuaranteeRate the answer you receive.

JustAnswer in the News:

Ask-a-doc Web sites: If you've got a quick question, you can try to get an answer from sites that say they have various specialists on hand to give quick answers... Justanswer.com.
JustAnswer.com...has seen a spike since October in legal questions from readers about layoffs, unemployment and severance.
Web sites like justanswer.com/legal
...leave nothing to chance.
Traffic on JustAnswer rose 14 percent...and had nearly 400,000 page views in 30 days...inquiries related to stress, high blood pressure, drinking and heart pain jumped 33 percent.
Tory Johnson, GMA Workplace Contributor, discusses work-from-home jobs, such as JustAnswer in which verified Experts answer people’s questions.
I will tell you that...the things you have to go through to be an Expert are quite rigorous.

What Customers are Saying:

Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help.

Mary C.Freshfield, Liverpool, UK

This expert is wonderful. They truly know what they are talking about, and they actually care about you. They really helped put my nerves at ease. Thank you so much!!!!

AlexLos Angeles, CA

Thank you for all your help. It is nice to know that this service is here for people like myself, who need answers fast and are not sure who to consult.

GPHesperia, CA

I couldn't be more satisfied! This is the site I will always come to when I need a second opinion.

JustinKernersville, NC

Just let me say that this encounter has been entirely professional and most helpful. I liked that I could ask additional questions and get answered in a very short turn around.

EstherWoodstock, NY

Thank you so much for taking your time and knowledge to support my concerns. Not only did you answer my questions, you even took it a step further with replying with more pertinent information I needed to know.

RobinElkton, Maryland

He answered my question promptly and gave me accurate, detailed information. If all of your experts are half as good, you have a great thing going here.

DianeDallas, TX

< Previous | Next >

Meet the Experts:

TherapistMaryAnn

TherapistMaryAnn

Counselor

1,706 satisfied customers

Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues

Ms Chase

Ms Chase

Life Coach

853 satisfied customers

Over 20 yrs experience with Relationships, Sexuality, Friendship, and Family Issues

Alicia_MSW

Alicia_MSW

Psychotherapist

468 satisfied customers

Specializing in relationship/family counseling

Dr. Norman Brown

Dr. Norman Brown

Marriage Therapist

426 satisfied customers

Family Therapist & teacher 35+ yrs; PhD research in couples

Dr. L

Dr. L

Psychologist

366 satisfied customers

Licensed as a Psychologist and Marriage & Family Therapist.

Suzanne

Suzanne

Therapist, LCSW

338 satisfied customers

Experienced in treating trauma, relationship issues, co-dependency

DrJackiePhD

DrJackiePhD

Doctor

336 satisfied customers

I have been doing research in relational/interpersonal communication since 1998. My Ph.D. is in interpersonal communication.

< Previous | Next >

Related Relationship Questions
Ongoing relationships with a man who really doesn't care
Hello, ongoing relationships with a man who really doesn't care about me, even though he thinks he does!! … read more
TherapistJen
TherapistJen
Licensed Clinical Social Worker
Master\u0027s Degree
951 satisfied customers
My ex and I of 2 YRS broke up in the beginning of Sept (she
My ex and I of 2 YRS broke up in the beginning of Sept (she broke up with me because she said I wasn't who I used to be ans i created doubt in her mind about us). A week after we broke up she started … read more
Rosemary S.
Rosemary S.
Master\u0027s Degree
6 satisfied customers
Seven months ago, I got dumped by a man I consider my
Seven months ago, I got dumped by a man I consider my soulmate. It's been the most painful breakup I've ever experienced. Even though we were only together a little over a year, we had a very deep con… read more
Rosemary S.
Rosemary S.
Master\u0027s Degree
6 satisfied customers
I have a question about something that keeps coming up, and
I have a question about something that keeps coming up, and perhaps I need a males perspective… read more
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
Counselor
Master\u0027s Degree
167 satisfied customers
I dreamed last nignt in black an, that the man that i
hello i dreamed last nignt in black an white , that the man that i secretly love was combing my hair. i was sitting on the floor my head on his lap , he had a black com and he was so gentle combing an… read more
DreamsBySue
DreamsBySue
Social Worker
Masters Degree (MSW)
68 satisfied customers
My husband and I have been together for 5 years and married
My husband and I have been together for 5 years and married just under a year. We have lived together for 3 years. I have 2 children from a previous marriage and he has 2 children from a previous marr… read more
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
Counselor
Master\u0027s Degree
167 satisfied customers
My husband, toddler & I moved in with my in-laws house, in
My husband, toddler & I moved in with my in-laws house, in husbands home “village” after independent city life since graduating as a pharmacist 20+ years ago. I was a high achiever in everything I did… read more
TherapistJen
TherapistJen
Licensed Clinical Social Worker
Master\u0027s Degree
951 satisfied customers
Our 16 yr old grandaughter who always was close to us told
Our 16 yr old grandaughter who always was close to us told us we are a distraction to her now. We don't know how to talk to her because she only likes to txt and everything we say seems to be the wron… read more
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
Counselor
Master\u0027s Degree
167 satisfied customers
Dispair! My 12 yo step-daughter repeatedly takes things that
Dispair! My 12 yo step-daughter repeatedly takes things that do not belong to her (my old cell phone, several of my rings, neighbor girl's shoes) and lies about it. Like one of the other readers, she … read more
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
Counselor
Master\u0027s Degree
167 satisfied customers
My daughter is influenced by her no good boyfriend and made
my daughter is influenced by her no good boyfriend and made her call me a c unt a crakwhore and other things. I am at my end. I told her that I don't want to see her again until he is out of the pictu… read more
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
Counselor
Master\u0027s Degree
167 satisfied customers
I am upset and worried because my boyfriend and I are not
Hello, I am upset and worried because my boyfriend and I are not getting along anymore. I read a book and realized that he is using verbal abuse to supposedly help me but all he does is make me feel w… read more
TherapistJen
TherapistJen
Licensed Clinical Social Worker
Master\u0027s Degree
951 satisfied customers
My boyfriend and I broke up less than a month ago. I tried
Hi! my boyfriend and I broke up less than a month ago. I tried to make things work between us but he didn't want to, although he still loves me! Anyway, after two weeks of trying to convince to be tog… read more
Rosemary S.
Rosemary S.
Master\u0027s Degree
6 satisfied customers
What is the proper way for a widower to introduce his girl
What is the proper way for a widower to introduce his girl friend to his mother in law? … read more
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
Counselor
Master\u0027s Degree
167 satisfied customers
I am a 61 year old divorced female who has been in a been
This question is for Cher. Hi- I am a 61 year old divorced female who has been in a been living with the same man for 9 1/2 years. We have had some problems off and on in the last year - he moved out … read more
Dr. Keane
Dr. Keane
Doctoral Degree
385 satisfied customers
My mother, four year old daughter and I are I assume
My mother, four year old daughter and I are I assume kidnapped since I don't remember how we got to the house that the dream started in, in this house we were all in the same room locked up together, … read more
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
Counselor
Master\u0027s Degree
167 satisfied customers
She knew my thoughts about Netherlands. I say thoughts
Hello,Yes, she knew my thoughts about Netherlands. I say thoughts because I was not certain, and she was telling me that she is maybe moving to Malta for 3 months. That was the first problem from the … read more
Therapist Leslie
Therapist Leslie
Masters, Professional Psychology
5 satisfied customers
I was in a relationship with this girl for a year. It was
Hey so i was in a relationship with this girl for a year. It was extremely serious and we were planning on getting married. Its kind of a crazy situation. Would you like me to explain. … read more
TherapistJen
TherapistJen
Licensed Clinical Social Worker
Master\u0027s Degree
951 satisfied customers
My sister's husband just got married in a "very private"
My sister's husband just got married in a "very private" ceremony .(My sister passed away 5 years ago.) I was not invited, but received an announcement. How much should I spend on a wedding gift? I am… read more
Rosemary S.
Rosemary S.
Master\u0027s Degree
6 satisfied customers
Disclaimer: Information in questions, answers, and other posts on this site ("Posts") comes from individual users, not JustAnswer; JustAnswer is not responsible for Posts. Posts are for general information, are not intended to substitute for informed professional advice (medical, legal, veterinary, financial, etc.), or to establish a professional-client relationship. The site and services are provided "as is" with no warranty or representations by JustAnswer regarding the qualifications of Experts. To see what credentials have been verified by a third-party service, please click on the "Verified" symbol in some Experts' profiles. JustAnswer is not intended or designed for EMERGENCY questions which should be directed immediately by telephone or in-person to qualified professionals.

Disclaimer: Information in questions, answers, and other posts on this site ("Posts") comes from individual users, not JustAnswer; JustAnswer is not responsible for Posts. Posts are for general information, are not intended to substitute for informed professional advice (medical, legal, veterinary, financial, etc.), or to establish a professional-client relationship. The site and services are provided "as is" with no warranty or representations by JustAnswer regarding the qualifications of Experts. To see what credentials have been verified by a third-party service, please click on the "Verified" symbol in some Experts' profiles. JustAnswer is not intended or designed for EMERGENCY questions which should be directed immediately by telephone or in-person to qualified professionals.

Show MoreShow Less

Ask Your Question

x