Relationship

Have Relationship Questions? Ask a Counselor for Answers ASAP

Ask an Expert,
Get an Answer ASAP!

Relationship
This answer was rated:

Do people indicate or offer help to someone they dont know

Do people indicate or offer...
Do people indicate or offer help to someone they don't know or don't know well,
help with anything, not meaning that? Is it a way of finding out something? If so, what?
Is the person sort of rejected if they need the help?
Show More
Show Less
Ask Your Own Relationship Question
Answered in 52 minutes by:
8/23/2013
Wendy MFT
Wendy MFT, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 16
Experience: 15 years experience counseling couples, families, and individuals.
Verified

Wendy MFT : I suppose the answer to your first question depends on the nature of the help and who the person is. Some people are just generous by nature and would help anyone. Other people might need more of a reason, a personal motivation, to help.
Wendy MFT : Could you be more specific, perhaps give me an example of such a situation you are describing, so that I could be of more help to you?
Wendy MFT : As for your second question, again, it would depend on the nature of the helper and the "helpee" and the context of the request for help. It sounds like you may feel a bit uncertain about someone's motives for helping.
Wendy MFT : I look forward to receiving more information from you so that I can assist you more thoroughly.
Wendy MFT : ~Wendy
Customer:

What if you are leaving a restaurant and a staff member helping near the cash register indicates they can help with anything, nonverbally, if you ask they would respond or say something else not related to that. You are walking through town on vacation and pass a popular restaurant where people are entering, and someone on the way in checks to see if you need anything. People you have not met before. The cashier in a store. Is it ever different than that, meaning, done to see if there is trouble? I guess not, but...would that be done to kind of separate from the person, sort of rejection?

Ask Your Own Relationship Question
Customer reply replied 4 years ago

I replied above, not sure you can see it.

I think I see what you're saying. I am thinking that perhaps you're right, that sometimes when people do what you're talking about, perhaps they are perceiving that maybe something is wrong with a person or there is some kind of trouble. So instead of asking directly: "do you need help?" or "are you okay?" they ask a more general question, like "can I help you with anything?", perhaps even nonverbally.

I am not sure that this would be any sort of rejection. I would think if a person is indicating they can assist you, then I would not take that as a rejection.

I hope this is helpful. Please let me know if I can be of any further help to you.
Ask Your Own Relationship Question
Customer reply replied 4 years ago

Just to make sure, they would not in your opinion do that as a rejection?


From my writing, does it seem I am different from the "norm" re: relating my ideas and socially relating? Enough to have significant weakness in this area? Thanks. Have never asked that before.

Hi again. So, to answer your question, no, I don't think that someone would purposely ask you if you needed something and let you know they could help you just as a form of rejection.

In response to your second question about the way you relate your ideas, I don't know that comparison to a "norm" really helps you know if have a weakness or not. I have found that the best indicator of whether or not we have a weakness in a particular area is to observe ourselves and see if what we're doing is causing problems in any of our areas of functioning (school, work, social life). So the question I might ask myself if I were you is: is the way I communicate or express myself interfering with any of my important day-to-day functions or my relationships? As for our interaction, I did have some difficulty trying to understand what you were really asking, and I think its courageous of you to ask for honest feedback regarding that.

That said, I think that being able to discuss things in person can make communication a whole lot easier. A lot is lost in communication when we only do it in writing such as this, or via text or email. We miss nonverbal cues, facial expressions, verbal cues, etc. So, some of the difficulty may be just due to the form of communication we are engaging in.

Let me know if I can answer any other questions!
Ask Your Own Relationship Question
Customer reply replied 4 years ago

O.K., and do you think that another person would have asked the question differently to a degree where you would choose them over me in this situation, or is it insignificant in this case? Choosing means if you were to compare them, there would be a significant difference you could see and therefore base a choice on it? A choice about which person was better to a significant degree in this situation?


 

No. I don't think there would be a significant difference. Because everyone is unique in his or her own style, I am choosing to help people the best I can, and just taking them where they're at.
Ask Your Own Relationship Question
Customer reply replied 4 years ago

Then the other aspect of, beyond that, what you would think if you had to compare, any significant difference even though you help people with your relationship of taking them where they are at? So even though you do things that way, is there a significant difference you can tell, with my writing? Is it positive or negative?

So, it seems we moved onto another line of questioning. I would be more than happy to help you with your additional questions. However, I really need to close out your original question first. So, if you could kindly do me a favor and rate me on the answer I have given you to your original question, I would appreciate it. Please open up a new inquiry regarding your other line of questioning. Thanks so much!
Wendy MFT
Wendy MFT, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 16
Experience: 15 years experience counseling couples, families, and individuals.
Verified
Wendy MFT and 87 other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Ask your own question now
Customer reply replied 4 years ago

So given that you help people where they are at, can you tell from my writing style in this context that I am significantly different from another person or many others you work with, is it positive?

I tend to not judge things or people as "positive" or "negative." Rather, I like to put things in terms of: "what works?" And what works for one person may be completely different than what works for another person.

I'm sorry. I'm not trying to be evasive, but I'm not sure if I am answering your question. Your writing style is your own, which by definition is going to make it different from others.

Are you worried about being seen as "different" or "negatively" by others?
Ask Your Own Relationship Question
Customer reply replied 4 years ago

Yes. Even "lesser" to a degree, and is it significant?

Significant - in what way? Can you be more specific with your question?
Wendy MFT
Wendy MFT, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 16
Experience: 15 years experience counseling couples, families, and individuals.
Verified
Wendy MFT and 87 other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Ask your own question now
Customer reply replied 4 years ago

Well, is it different or negative or lesser significantly, or only a little? If a group has individual styles which are different, is mine significantly different from the normal variations of that group?

Thanks......................................................................................................................................

Customer reply replied 4 years ago

Referring to question above, is it different or negative or lesser significantly or only a little? If a group has individual styles which
are different, is mine significantly different from the normal variations of that group?

Let me know if this is a good question or if already answered somehow.

Angela--Mod
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 8
Verified

Hello, I’m a moderator for this topic. It seems the professional has left this conversation. This happens occasionally, and it's usually because the professional thinks that someone else might be a better match for your question. I've been working hard to find a new professional to assist you right away, but sometimes finding the right professional can take a little longer than expected.


I wonder whether you're alright with continuing to wait for an answer from a new professional. If you are, please let me know and I will continue my search. If not, feel free to let me know and I will cancel this question for you. Thank you!

Ask Your Own Relationship Question
Customer reply replied 4 years ago

Can someone else answer it as I refer to the earlier questions? If not, have to close or cancel the question, if so I could wait.


 


 

We appreciate your patience, your business is very important to us, we are waiting on the professional with the right expertise to come online. Please let us know if you would like us to continue searching for a professional or if you would like us to close your question. Thank you for your understanding!

Best,

Angela


Ask Your Own Relationship Question
Customer reply replied 4 years ago

I will wait if not closed...

Michael Hannigan
Michael Hannigan, Consultant
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 11,884
Experience: 25+ Years in the field
Verified
Hello. My name is Michael. I see you have been waiting a while for additional information. Of course, what I have to say here is only opinion, and I don't know you except from what you have written in this question, so take my observations as general and not personal.

I tend to be "different" and although I can easily socialize with a group, I wouldn't say that I "fit in", generally.

Your style of asking a question is "different" from many that I see. I rarely encounter questions with such an intensely analyitical quality within a social context. I think being "aware" of how you are perceived by others is healthy and very positive. Being extremely concerned about it could be perceived as negative and in my experience, can have a negative impact. There are people on both extremes and everywhere in between. As I'm sure you have, I have met many people that are not the least bit self-aware, and I've met people that think about nothing but that. I think that striking a balance somewhere in between is the best place to be both inside and out.

I am different in that I am very candid and I say what I feel or what I want to say, and some people don't like that. I don't lack empathy - but unlike many, I think honesty embodies empathy. Since I am like that, I have become accustomed to not being overly concerned with the reaction of others over it. Those that respond positively to me are people that can truely relate to me. I can keep being how I am and by default be surrounded with like minded people.

I have also found that the less concerned I am about how someone else perceives me, the more respect I tend to gain - or at least that's how I perceive it. It is when I have pursued someone's friendship or trust that it has been the most difficult to obtain.

Mike
SQ
Ask Your Own Relationship Question
Customer reply replied 4 years ago

Thanks, XXXXX XXXXX style is different and you think maybe negative because of the intense analytical quality? Or neutral or can't tell, and if you analyze


the style is it consistent or does it vary with the question? Is it acceptable


to a group or not or can you tell? Can you tell how significant? If this is too many other questions, let me know. I usually don't ask this but it came up, I did OK when growing up but there was a lot going on so did not


think about this issue, only now.

It is acceptable to me or I wouldn't be responding. I find it fascinating in a way. I find "different" to be very interesting. But all people are different. As I said, as likable as I am Laughing, there are people that don't like me. I know that for a fact, and I'm fine with it. If they don't like me, it's their choice... and I'd rather have them NOT like ME rather than them LIKE someone I pretend or struggle to be. Look at it this way - out of all the poeple out there, no matter what you are like, there will be poeple that like you, find you interesting, fascinating. They will gravitate toward you if you let them. If you are concerned too much about a particuar group liking you and you focus yourself completely on that, then you won't see the true friends when they come along.

Mike
Michael Hannigan
Michael Hannigan, Consultant
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 11,884
Experience: 25+ Years in the field
Verified
Michael Hannigan and 87 other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Ask your own question now
Ask Michael Hannigan Your Own Question
Michael Hannigan
Michael Hannigan
Michael Hannigan, Consultant
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 11,884
11,884 Satisfied Customers
Experience: 25+ Years in the field

Michael Hannigan is online now

A new question is answered every 9 seconds

How JustAnswer works:

  • Ask an ExpertExperts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional AnswerVia email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site. Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction GuaranteeRate the answer you receive.

JustAnswer in the News:

Ask-a-doc Web sites: If you've got a quick question, you can try to get an answer from sites that say they have various specialists on hand to give quick answers... Justanswer.com.
JustAnswer.com...has seen a spike since October in legal questions from readers about layoffs, unemployment and severance.
Web sites like justanswer.com/legal
...leave nothing to chance.
Traffic on JustAnswer rose 14 percent...and had nearly 400,000 page views in 30 days...inquiries related to stress, high blood pressure, drinking and heart pain jumped 33 percent.
Tory Johnson, GMA Workplace Contributor, discusses work-from-home jobs, such as JustAnswer in which verified Experts answer people’s questions.
I will tell you that...the things you have to go through to be an Expert are quite rigorous.

What Customers are Saying:

Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help.

Mary C.Freshfield, Liverpool, UK

This expert is wonderful. They truly know what they are talking about, and they actually care about you. They really helped put my nerves at ease. Thank you so much!!!!

AlexLos Angeles, CA

Thank you for all your help. It is nice to know that this service is here for people like myself, who need answers fast and are not sure who to consult.

GPHesperia, CA

I couldn't be more satisfied! This is the site I will always come to when I need a second opinion.

JustinKernersville, NC

Just let me say that this encounter has been entirely professional and most helpful. I liked that I could ask additional questions and get answered in a very short turn around.

EstherWoodstock, NY

Thank you so much for taking your time and knowledge to support my concerns. Not only did you answer my questions, you even took it a step further with replying with more pertinent information I needed to know.

RobinElkton, Maryland

He answered my question promptly and gave me accurate, detailed information. If all of your experts are half as good, you have a great thing going here.

DianeDallas, TX

< Previous | Next >

Meet the Experts:

TherapistMaryAnn

TherapistMaryAnn

Counselor

1,720 satisfied customers

Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues

Ms Chase

Ms Chase

Life Coach

853 satisfied customers

Over 20 yrs experience with Relationships, Sexuality, Friendship, and Family Issues

Alicia_MSW

Alicia_MSW

Psychotherapist

468 satisfied customers

Specializing in relationship/family counseling

Dr. Norman Brown

Dr. Norman Brown

Marriage Therapist

427 satisfied customers

Family Therapist & teacher 35+ yrs; PhD research in couples

Dr. L

Dr. L

Psychologist

366 satisfied customers

Licensed as a Psychologist and Marriage & Family Therapist.

Suzanne

Suzanne

Therapist, LCSW

338 satisfied customers

Experienced in treating trauma, relationship issues, co-dependency

DrJackiePhD

DrJackiePhD

Doctor

338 satisfied customers

I have been doing research in relational/interpersonal communication since 1998. My Ph.D. is in interpersonal communication.

< Previous | Next >

Related Relationship Questions
My wife and I have been married 40 years. In sorting photos
My wife and I have been married 40 years. In sorting photos I noticed while organizing our old photos that she kept a number of photos (7 or 8) of an old boy friend. She dated him off and on for about… read more
Dr.G.
Dr.G.
Counseling Psychologist
Doctoral Degree
446 satisfied customers
I am a 38-year-old male and work full-time in
Hello I am a 38-year-old male and work full-time in law-enforcement. Over five years ago I met a woman through my work and her daughter was 11 at the time. She was with somebody then so I thought noth… read more
TherapistJen
TherapistJen
Licensed Clinical Social Worker
Master\u0027s Degree
953 satisfied customers
My girlfriend and I were dating for around a year and we
my girlfriend and I were dating for around a year and we attend the same church . We had both been out of long term relationships and healed each other before forming our own relationship. We were going great and madly Inlove .her behavior was amazing towards me with no signs of changing for the worse up until November 2017 we were having these tiny but annoying arguments mostly caused by me and my trust issues I will admit . So I called her one morning to make up for an argument we had the night before and she suddenly tells me she doesn't love me anymore and she does not want the relationship anymore . I freeze but go about the usual desperate plead and beg route which made her even more upset . We attend church that Sunday and when she sees me she feels the love again and we speak normal for 2 weeks not officially together yet but making moves she evens sends me a detailed email telling me how impressed she is and it will help us going forward . I push to hard the next day of this email and upset her all over again. That weekend before Christmas 2017 she goes totally cold towards me and destroys me in a phone call and tells me I am obsessed with her etc. she drops me a further bombshell the week of Christmas by telling me she is going to meet her ex for breakfast and I need to be mature about it . I decide then and there I am done with this and I cut off all contact with her . No calls or texts and emails . So about 2 weeks go by and she sends me a text ‘hey you have just crossed my mind hope you are well' I respond 5 hours later with ‘I am well . Hope you well,take care' the next week she sends me a pointless text to which I just respond with thank you and this week she sends me a long detailed apology email informing me that she is sorry for pain she had caused me and I am truly a great guy and she doesn't understand why she had so much built up anger toward me and till this day she can't seem to know why she got so upset with me and she doesn't deserve me etc . I responded with a simple thanks for the apology and she said she does not know why she took so long to apologize something just held her back . I don't hate her at all it not in my nature to hold grudges but this girl ruined my holidays and told me really hurtful stuff while she was out having a blast . And now suddenly she feels apologetic. Please advise … read more
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
Counselor
Master\u0027s Degree
170 satisfied customers
Whenever I'm talking to a girl, I get incredibly jealous
Whenever I'm talking to a girl, I get incredibly jealous when they mention or are with hanging other guys. (I'm a 20 year old guy) I don't know why though, I don't like getting jealous but I can't hel… read more
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
Counselor
Master\u0027s Degree
170 satisfied customers
If he doesnt want to be in a relationship with me, why
If he doesnt want to be in a relationship with me, why doesnt he leave instead of giving me false hope?… read more
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
Counselor
Master\u0027s Degree
170 satisfied customers
My boyfriend has depression, sleeps most of the time, is
My boyfriend has depression, sleeps most of the time, is awake when I'm not with him, doesn't want to sleep in the same bed because he wants to stretch out, be alone, and most recently tells me that I… read more
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
Counselor
Master\u0027s Degree
170 satisfied customers
If you are there I would like to describe the situation,
Jen, if you are there I would like to describe the situation, which I asked you about yesterday, in more detail as I would value your opinion.… read more
TherapistJen
TherapistJen
Licensed Clinical Social Worker
Master\u0027s Degree
953 satisfied customers
A few weeks ago I received a message from a guy that I dated
second opinion] Hi. A few weeks ago I received a message from a guy that I dated very casually before he moved about 1 ½ years ago to California from Ohio & since then we really didn't stay in touch. … read more
Therapist Leslie
Therapist Leslie
Masters, Professional Psychology
5 satisfied customers
Before I was officially dating my boyfriend I was flirting
Before I was officially dating my boyfriend I was flirting with another guy while I was talking to my current boyfriend. I never told him and tried to hide it. Now he knows and is questioning my trust… read more
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
Counselor
Master\u0027s Degree
170 satisfied customers
Is my gf avoidant attachment type or secure... or a little
Is my gf avoidant attachment type or secure... or a little of each? Im an insecure anxious attachment type for sure.... i always need reassurance and stuff from my gf... my gf in the beginning was alr… read more
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
Counselor
Master\u0027s Degree
170 satisfied customers
We are not dating but I've known him for 15 years, we met at
We are not dating but I've known him for 15 years, we met at work I thought he was good looking we hit it off as friends. He had me staying over his place a lot, then I found out he was gay/bi I start… read more
TherapistJen
TherapistJen
Licensed Clinical Social Worker
Master\u0027s Degree
953 satisfied customers
My question is about a possible beginning to a relationship.
Hello this is Brian, my question is about a possible beginning to a relationship … read more
Therapist Leslie
Therapist Leslie
Masters, Professional Psychology
5 satisfied customers
Is it normal for your boyfriend to constantly have his ex
Is it normal for your boyfriend to constantly have his ex girlfriend come over to visit even though you tell him to it really bothers you… read more
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
Counselor
Master\u0027s Degree
170 satisfied customers
My girlfriend of 10 years suddenly broke up. I have
My girlfriend of 10 years suddenly broke up. I have chirldren with a previous partner and we still keep the family house and gather. But my family has not accepted my new partner 'although she is ever… read more
TherapistJen
TherapistJen
Licensed Clinical Social Worker
Master\u0027s Degree
953 satisfied customers
Boyfriend of 1 year newly divorced from unhappy 30+year
Boyfriend of 1 year newly divorced from long unhappy 30+year marriage told me he keeps thinking bout old girlfriend and how he has always wondered about her and how/where she is. … read more
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
Counselor
Master\u0027s Degree
170 satisfied customers
A few weeks ago I received a message from a guy that I dated
Hi. A few weeks ago I received a message from a guy that I dated very casually before he moved about 1 ½ years ago to California from Ohio & since then we really didn't stay in touch. So I was a bit s… read more
TherapistJen
TherapistJen
Licensed Clinical Social Worker
Master\u0027s Degree
953 satisfied customers
My wife goes to a high-end restaurant bar / restaurant on a
My wife goes to a high-end restaurant bar / restaurant on a Sunday for brunch, She start 3 hours and gets rather trashed with her alcoholic Mother of which we do not like each other. Keep in mind that… read more
TherapistJen
TherapistJen
Licensed Clinical Social Worker
Master\u0027s Degree
953 satisfied customers
Not sure how to move on from this if he cant trust me. Ok,
not sure how to move on from this if he cant trust me. Ok, My boyfriend and I and my two teenage daughters live together. I gave him the consent to record my daughter because we were trying to catch h… read more
Therapist Leslie
Therapist Leslie
Masters, Professional Psychology
5 satisfied customers
Disclaimer: Information in questions, answers, and other posts on this site ("Posts") comes from individual users, not JustAnswer; JustAnswer is not responsible for Posts. Posts are for general information, are not intended to substitute for informed professional advice (medical, legal, veterinary, financial, etc.), or to establish a professional-client relationship. The site and services are provided "as is" with no warranty or representations by JustAnswer regarding the qualifications of Experts. To see what credentials have been verified by a third-party service, please click on the "Verified" symbol in some Experts' profiles. JustAnswer is not intended or designed for EMERGENCY questions which should be directed immediately by telephone or in-person to qualified professionals.

Disclaimer: Information in questions, answers, and other posts on this site ("Posts") comes from individual users, not JustAnswer; JustAnswer is not responsible for Posts. Posts are for general information, are not intended to substitute for informed professional advice (medical, legal, veterinary, financial, etc.), or to establish a professional-client relationship. The site and services are provided "as is" with no warranty or representations by JustAnswer regarding the qualifications of Experts. To see what credentials have been verified by a third-party service, please click on the "Verified" symbol in some Experts' profiles. JustAnswer is not intended or designed for EMERGENCY questions which should be directed immediately by telephone or in-person to qualified professionals.

Show MoreShow Less

Ask Your Question

x