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Dr. Bonnie
Dr. Bonnie, Psychologist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 2189
Experience:  Experienced in counseling all age persons on relationship issues.
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My boyfriend is vacationing right now and I want to go with

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My boyfriend is vacationing right now and I want to go with him, but couldn't because he's not out to his father. He said he was didn't want to make him and himself uncomfortable. I understood and let it go. The day he was leaving I heard him talking to his girlfriend and she was meeting him camping. Needless to say I was pissed. I thought how come a friend can go but someone he loves can't go! We talked about and I said my peace and dropped it. But inside I'm still upset and hurt. Kind of the same conversation about Xmas. He spending Xmas with his family and I have to fly after Xmas to spend time with him. I'm willing to give him time and he has come out to his mother and is working on coming out more and more. I don't like to push him on these issues to much because I don't want to force him, but I feel like if I don't talk about them and come up with a game plan he wouldn't deal with it. I feel like putting a stipulation on some of these things like Xmas next year. If he's not going to come out to his father, then it's not fair to leave me along by myself and leave to spend e holidays with his family. How should I deal with this? Should I leave it alone and let him deal with it how he wants to and just voice my opinion or should I make stipulations?
Hello and thank you for consulting JA,
It sounds like having a committed relationship is new to your boyfriend. It is not JUST about coming out to others but also his own adjustment to either being gay or having a committed relationship. He may need more time. You have a right to express your opinion but stipulations might push him away.

Meanwhile, when he is with family, make sure you keep busy with your own family or friends. Do not brood over his choices as this may lead to anger and depression. Protect your mental health by having no expectations of him for now.

At some point, you will need to know if he is willing to commit to you. After a reasonable period of time, ask him about this and explain that commitment means being together for vacations and holidays. I would say (without knowing the whole history of your relationship) that a reasonable period is about one year.

I hope this helps,
Warm regards
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