Have Relationship Questions? Ask a Counselor for Answers ASAP
Hello, I am here for you and am happy to respond. Give me a moment to carefully read over and consider your question.
My pleasure. I have been working with couples in therapy for 20 years and it does not sound to me like this relationship is over. Tell me what happened when you broke up.
I have a habit of trying to leave so when we broke up, or rather he was asking for space, I packed my bags and went to my mom's for 3 nights. He called me every night for a few minutes before bed, very brief and to say goodnight. When I ran out of clothes, I waited for him to call and asked if I can come home (although I chose to leave). When I came home, we had our official break up talk. He cried and held me for an hour. Told me he doesn't want to lose me but I deserve to have my needs met and he doesn't feel he can fulfill them. I told him my needs and priorities were not right before and he couldn't understand my 180 degree mind frame but ended the conversation with he will continue to think about it
Thank you for the additional information. Do you want to stay?
Stay with him or stay living with him? Yes to both
Then stay. It sounds like he is simply overwhelmed and could not give you enough attention and felt guilty about that. If you can find other interested to keep yourself busy while he is away for reserve duty, working long hours, then you will both be a lot happier. We cannot rely on one person, no matter how much we love them to fulfill all of our needs. And if we do, they feel too much pressure and it causes them to distance themselves from us. I think you realize this now. I think is you stay and the two of you continue to talk and he sees that you are pursuing other interests, things will work out. I think you care a great deal about one another from what you have shared with me. Any more questions?
Am I supposed to respect the breakup and act like a friend? Or sleep in the spare room? Part of me gets sad with no hugs or any physical contact. I'm such an affectionate person.. I'm not sure if I'm supposed to revert back to dating days or am I supposed to continue to act normal and be who I am without being clingy or needy.
Hi, I switched us to this Q&A mode as I could not see your response in chat. I apologize, but we are having site problems. I think you were typing a response, so I will await your reply.
I would just be yourself and continue to sleep in the same bed and be as affectionate that feels natural and comfortable to you. Staying in a relationship where you cannot be yourself is very emotionally unhealthy. Does that make sense?