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llw26, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 203
Experience:  LCPC - 2015. Counseling skills.
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Im taking a man Ive gone on three dates with to my friends

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I'm taking a man I've gone on three dates with to my friend's birthday party tonight. He hasn't met any of my friends. How do I help him and my friends feel comfortable?

llw26 :

Hello! I hope I can help with your questions!

llw26 :

In order to make him feel more comfortable, I would bring up topics that everyone has in common.

Is this a large gathering or smaller?
Customer: replied 4 years ago.

Medium - maybe 15-20 people I'd guess.

Okay -- so I would guess the best way to make everyone feel comfortable around one another is to find a common ground -- is there something you can think of that he has in common with your friends?
Customer: replied 4 years ago.

Hmm, I'll have to think about that - most of my friends are parents, he isn't.

Ah okay -- what does the man you're dating do for fun? Or what TV shows or movies does he like? Or books he enjoys readings? While your friends may enjoy thing's related to their children -- they are still adults and have to have adult time, so there may be something that they all have in common -- usually I find TV shows to be an easy place to start (as this is what I do in my free time and many of my friends enjoy it), then talking about the show and the plot line -- this usually opens up the door for talking about the themes, then even other things associated with the show.
Customer: replied 4 years ago.

Alright, I'm sure I can think of something.

Great -- anything else I can assist you with?
Customer: replied 4 years ago.

Well, is it appropriate for me to leave him to talk to other people at the party if he seems comfortable or should I stay near him?

I would gage how it's going, is he talking to everyone and seeming like he is doing okay on his own? Then yes, it would be okay to leave him alone with your friends...if it doesn't appear to be that way, then I'd stick close. Is he outgoing?

You might even ask him if he wants you to stay near him during the night, or if he'd feel comfortable with you mingling with some of your friends or if he would be uncomfortable -- keeping the lines of communication open throughout your relationship, especially the beginning is very important.
Customer: replied 4 years ago.

Yeah, he seems pretty outgoing though I haven't had much opportunity to observe him in groups. Thank you for your help!

That's a good point!

You're very welcome! Good luck!
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