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Ask TherapistMaryAnn Your Own Question
TherapistMaryAnn, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 5824
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
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Kate I know you just said to me talk to you soon. I also know

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Kate I know you just said to me talk to you soon. I also know you had no intention of speaking to me the entire night. Embarrassingly, I have another question that's been on my mind if you're going to be around if not it can wait till tomorrow or another day
Not a problem. Go ahead, I'll be here.

Customer: replied 4 years ago.

thank you. Well I thought about it before I did it and I did it anyway and in retrospect I think I should have handled it differently.

I'm going into the city next week to the specialist and my son is coming with me for his own issues of joint pain. My son can drive me because my hip acts up when I drive long distances and he could park the car yet, the parking is expensive. My husband offer to drive like he has done many times before so we can avoid paying parking. I thanked my husband for offering but do not like him to be there with me and my son because he is more manipulative and tries to act like the good dad, often at the expense of ignoring me. It's just stressful all around with him and the kids together with me. so I said to my son can we go together and you park the car or should we take dad because I would rather not take Dad as he makes me feel uncomfortable. my son said it was up to me but in retrospect I realize maybe I shouldn't have told him that that dad makes me uncomfortable but I was only keeping it real

Customer: replied 4 years ago.

Also I noticed an eagerness for my husband to take us which I didn't know what to attribute it to other than maybe to maintain some type of control over us or power because everything or many things anyway that he does seems to be self serving. particularly when there are times I really need the help then he's not available

Telling your son that his father makes you uncomfortable is ok. It does cross some boundaries, but you are not going into detail and you are offering a reasonable explanation for why you want to exclude your husband from driving you both into town. In that way, it is fine. Elaborating is probably not a good idea from this point, but since you did not do that and just said you are uncomfortable, that is fine. And it is good you are taking care of yourself emotionally. If your husband makes you feel bad, then excluding him is a good idea. It may be inconvenient, but it also helps you to feel better. And that is more important than the inconvenience of the parking situation.

Your husband may be happy to take you because it does let him control the situation. And he may notice that you are unhappy when he goes. For someone with narcissistic traits, that is a good opportunity to control and manipulate.

TherapistMaryAnn and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 4 years ago.

Kate, awesome !

Not to sound juvenile, but its soo very helpful.

I feel better about what you told me that it wasn't too terrible what I said to my son, and I did not elaborate.

Also, my hunch was correct about his self serving reasons for taking us, and probably he is aware that I don't like him around. Believe me when I tell you that I have been in need so many times when he wasn't there but he wants to give in the way that suits him for his need for control.


You helped me make the decision to go with my son who I'm sure can find parking on his own and I will be much more comfortable with all around.


additionally, because of the magnitude

of my health issues having you available to answer some of my questions really helps in a big way, but taking care of some of the clutter that I can control

I am very happy I could help! It helps to listen to your instincts about your husband because they are correct. If he does anything that makes you feel uncomfortable or upset, it is always ok to say no and exclude him.

TherapistMaryAnn and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 4 years ago.

Okay :) ((thanks again))

You're welcome! Take care.