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Dr. Mark
Dr. Mark, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 5334
Experience:  Dr. Mark is a PhD in psychology helping with relationships
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Hi I was wondering I am in a relationship with my boyfriend

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Hi I was wondering I am in a relationship with my boyfriend for four years !! We live together !! Well he is 35 and I am 40. We are having our ups and downs in the relationship !! He was not behaving a year ago and for that reason I don't trust him. He is doing better now. But still I have doubts !! I have a part time and that's my mayor insecurity when I am at Work cause my hours are from 2:30 to 11. He usually don't let him go out !! He used to go out and drink on my absence but we talk about it and hope he listen to me !! Well on the extreme that I had to put Camaras at home to see what is his behavior !! Well I was at work yesterday Thursday and he was at home !! But around 9:50. I find out that he was masturbating !! Omg I was in shock !! Could not believe !! Our sex life is ok but I don't understand why he do that !! I got home at 11:40 pm and of course he was sleeping !! What about me !! I need love too !! We already talk about it and we only have sex when we wants to !! Maybe 6 times a month. Who knows how many times he masturbates ! Please help is that normal ?? Maybe he does not want me anymore !!

Hi! I'll be glad to be of help with this issue.

I can imagine how frustrating this situation must be for you. You are clearly a loving and caring girlfriend and you are feeling rejected by your boyfriend. And he has given you reason in the past to feel as though he may not be so interested in you. Last year he wandered and now he's seeking pleasure on his own.

And this is actually the key to my answer to you that you need to consider and think about. It is normal for people to masturbate occasionally even when they have a partner. But if it is frequent and takes the place of lovemaking with their partner, then no, it is not normal. It is a sign of a problem.

For men, sometimes it is easier to feel sexually more relaxed when it is not in a very close relationship. The intricacies of a close relationship with a woman can feel hard and require a lot of effort. And so some men feel freer and more relaxed to imagine a carefree, no requirements-made-of-me fantasy than to actually have to interact sexually with their partner.

But he may also be genuinely tired when you get home from work. His internal clock may not be the same as yours. And therefore, he may honestly not be prepared to have sex on the timetable that is available to you. So that also needs to be discussed.


The problem is that there are all these possibilities for why he might be masturbating instead of having sex with you. You don't have enough information. Therefore, you need to be able to talk when you are both relaxed and see what might be a problem.


You know, you could always pay a counselor for a couple of sessions for the two of you to discuss this problem with the professional. It might help. But start out trying to talk with him and find out if there is a timing problem and you two need to make dates when he's not tired and you're in the mood or if there's a different problem going on.

Okay, I wish you the very best!

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Dr. Mark and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Hi! I'm very glad that I was able to help you with this and thank you for your positive rating. If I can help you in the future in any way, please don't hesitate to let me know.


All the best,
Dr. Mark

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