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Dr. Bonnie
Dr. Bonnie, Psychologist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 2189
Experience:  Experienced in counseling all age persons on relationship issues.
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My bipolar boyfriend broke up with me almost 2 months ago since

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My bipolar boyfriend broke up with me almost 2 months ago since the. We have seen each other once and sometimes talk and text. It was fantastic for 10 months he told me no one had ever treated him so well however he never said he loved me and suddenly called me out of the blue and said he sees no future with me. He says I'm his best friend but it can never go back to the way of was. During this two months he lost his job for not showing up and has told me hes in a really bad ace right now. I know I need to just not have anything to do with him but its hard due to the fact we never fought. He takes no medication and has told me his brain isn't right and he doesn't think he can love anyone. He will text me two days in a row to see how I'm doing and then nothing for a bit. Please give me advice should I just ignore his texts? I am slowly getting over him and realize if he wants to come back I can't allow it for my own sanity.
Hello and thank you for consulting JA,
I am sorry that you are in this difficult situation. It is true that this may be a Bipolar episode of hypomania or even a low cycle (it is hard to tell). But whatever it is, it will only get worse until he received treatment. I would use his reaching out events (texts) to just say."I am sorry you are feeling bad and I think you should get help. You do not need to be suffering like this."

Regarding your sanity, it is not fair for him to be stringing you along or for you to ride the highs and lows with him. If you really want to make the break for good, then after giving him the above feedback, do not look at or respond to his communications. It sounds like you are 75% clear about not taking him back. As for the other 25%, if his prognosis is good for normal functioning with treatment, then, tell him you will see him again only after he seeks treatment (ongoing, not sporadic). If he gets treatment and you are considering getting back together, you should attend a support group for family of persons with Bipolar Disorder. This condition requires open communication about the disorder and a pre-planned strategy for "episodes".

This is not an easy situation, I know. I hope these thoughts are helpful,
Warm regards
Customer: replied 4 years ago.
I only have 2 quick questions
1. What goes through a bipolars mind I don't understand how things can be so good and then the break up with no in between?
2. What is the probability of him coming back and how long he says these episodes happen to him every 2 years. He is a rapid cycler and goes between hypomania and depression quickly.
Thank you so much
Hi again Stacy,
The person with bipolar illness (especially rapid cycling) has labile can be as if a light switch turns on and off. They may see the world as black and white and so gray. Of course, the reality is that nothing is B&W. Another problem is paranoid thoughts during these episodes. That is what may interfere with relationships. In addition, there may be hypersexuality during an episode and he may feel guilty if he has cheated.

The probability is good that he will come back but the question is how will you cope with the instability of rapid cycling and the dread of the every 2 year episodes. Relationships with a bipolar partner can work but you will need to do most of the flexing. If you decide to give it another go, consult a manual about the illness and your own coping.

Warm regards,
Dr. Bonnie and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 4 years ago.
Went to a sporting event with him tonight he hugged me a few times but he was indifferent. He's still going through his episode. He will talk and text me but is keeping me only as a friend. He did get jealous mildly a few times but he kept staring at every girl dressed provocatively. He never did that when we were together. I could tell he was still "off" but he maintains himself with me never getting upset with me as he says he has the utmost respect for me. I miss his affection so much it hurts. I know he cares about me and but I don't know if he will come around when his episode is over. He is unmedicated and says he wants to hang out once he gets his life together. When we were together as a couple he couldn't stop staring at me tonight he couldn't look at me much - what are the chances he will realize he does care for me? Should I just ignore him or keep him as a friend I'm not in horrible pain as now it's been two months since we were a couple I really thought he would kiss me tonight he came into my house hugged me said goodbye and he left. He called on his way home and said he had a good time and thanked me for inviting him. I had to make first contact and ask him to go. Is his indifference because of his episode or are we only ever going to be friends? I've read so many other posts on here where they won't even speak to you - he speaks and is nice to me but absolutely no affection.