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Dr. Paige
Dr. Paige, Psychologist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1427
Experience:  Ph.D. Licensed Psychologist
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Can others tell Im not popular or as widely accepted as other

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Can others tell I'm not popular or as widely accepted as other people by the way I write and talk to a significant extent? If I do not make mistakes in my writing that should not matter if I were really accepted as much by people? I have friends but over the years people have gone out of my life from interference from people who worked for them, or had a new friend who was in the same city, or just did not keep in close enough contact with them and relationship with them. Adult life is different with friendships.
People wouldn't be able to tell or necessarily care much about your popularity with others based on writing and talking skills, but they would however form their own opinion about you based on those things. Adult life is definitely different on friendships. A lot of time, family becomes the focus of life and friends are left to the way side, or work or other things get in the way of spending time with others. If you are concerned with your writing abilities, you should work on that for your own personal goals, not worrying about what others think.
Customer: replied 4 years ago.

Does their opinion include whether you are popular? What things are influenced in someone's opinion by talking and writing? What type of things? (Will tell me if I am O.K. with how I am , that my judgement is O.K.).

Some people might be shallow enough to judge someone based on their popularity, but those are not people you should be concerned with. Popularity does not make a person and someone who is judged based on that are keeping the wrong company. No one should be concerned about what others think about them. You should be ok with how you are and not even concern yourself with anyone else's opinion.
Customer: replied 4 years ago.

Thanks. What things are in a person's opinion of someone then usually? Are there people who do not like a person almost immediately then go with that? Do people form relationships with others in front of someone they do not like on purpose? Is that not a practical strategy, maybe not respected? I always had dynamics within a group where there were things better about one person and different things about another but the people did not eliminate each other, unless one person did not know the other person already did not like the third person.

Yes there are people who won't give someone a chance based on any number of factors. Some people are very judgmental and won't talk to someone based on what they look like, their age or what they are wearing Others don't care about things like that. There really are no rules, as everyone is different. There are a million different combinations of dynamics in any given group or conversation. It's really impossible to say what rules govern all people because there just isn't one set of circumstances which would follow all individuals.
Customer: replied 4 years ago.

So, is it an accepted strategy to be judgmental based on looks and clothes and age? I assume so from your answer and have probably done that myself, so what if the person is really acceptable and do not get the chance from someone, does that eventually fall apart or backfire on the one who does not accept the person, or does it work in their life?

YOu are working in absolutes and life just doesn't work that way. Acceptable is a term that some people would think is accurate, while others would think that judging by someone's looks is completely wrong. We are who we are as individuals. If someone judges another unfairly, it can fall apart, but it can also work if the person doing the judging realizes how wrong they were. There are no absolutes when it comes to the behavior you are describing.
Customer: replied 4 years ago.

And, are you saying the one who judges unfairly must either have it fall apart or incorporate the wrongness of it
for it to work? This is so important to me because it would mean a lot if that was true, that it would work for them if they realize they were wrong. I would hope that would come out in their relationships. Is that what you meant?

I mean that there is no answer to your question because it can turn out any number of ways. Yes, it can fall apart, yes it can work, yes they can realize they were wrong to judge for that reason or they may continue their entire life doing the same things to others. People can change based on experiences. If they realized that they should not judge people because of what has happened to them in the past, they can change. Some people don't, however. There is no saying 100% in any way for your question. Everyone is different, results are different.
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Customer: replied 4 years ago.

On the above question, does it always come down to if you like or dislike someone and if you do not adhere to that, stick with that, then you will have problems? Does that overrule someone you may not decide whether you might like them or not based on circumstances? In other words, is it better to decide based on circumstances then whether you like someone or not and use that information?

You can tolerate a person and not like or dislike them, for example a work relationship. You should decide to like someone based on what kind of person they are and their compatibility to you as a person. All people should strive to be "good" people. You should like someone who is equally a good person, not someone who hurts others. Most people don't choose to like or dislike someone, it's a natural occurrence that isn't questioned or analyzed.
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