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Dr. Paige
Dr. Paige, Psychologist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1427
Experience:  Ph.D. Licensed Psychologist
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Me and my girlfriend have been together for 6 years. We started

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Me and my girlfriend have been together for 6 years. We started dating in 8th grade and where eachothers firsts. We are currently in college and living together. This summer i had to move out of state for 3 months for an internship. We only got to see eachother 4 or 5 times during this period. I just found out that she cheated on me with a guy that we both work with back at college. They had sex 4 times in a two weekend period. The first three times she was drunk and the last time she was completely sober. She finally told me last week that this happened and i was devistated. We have never had any problems before and i never saw this coming. I believe she had feelings for the guy and he is much better looking than i am. She said she felt like we where growing apart over the summer because i was gone and didnt pay as much attention to her as i should of. i think she was lonely and wanted to know what it would be like to be with someone else since i was her first. She seems to be sorry beyond words. She has stopped talking to him outside of work however i cant make her quite her job because we need the money to get thru school. I want to forgive her but i can't stop thinking about what happened. What do i do.
Hello. I'm sorry she did this to you. YOu can't expect yourself to be able to forgive and forget. WHat happened, happened and neither of you can change that. You both have to accept that the only thing to do is to move forward. Ask yourself if there is anything that she can do to help you move on from this. If there is, then ask her to help you. It is her responsibility to work with you if she wants this to work as well. You both also need to find what the problems are in the relationship and face them. Resolve the issues which caused this to happen in the first place. You can't just pretend nothing happened and be able to forget it. You will most likely not ever for get about this. Regardless of if you both stay together, get married and have a future, or if you break up tomorrow, this is something that happened to you. We all have these evens in our lives which shape us and how we deal with it will influence the future.
As painful as it is, you need to allow yourself to be upset and angry and sad about what she did to you. She should understand this and work through it with you. It's ok to not be able to forget out this right now, don't be so hard on yourself. Time will help a great deal and so will her actions. Just take it a day at a time and see if she is able to work for your forgiveness. Both of you talk about what happened, how and why it happened and how to fix things so it doesn't happen again. Lots of communication and time and honesty is the key. Hang in there.
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