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Elliott, LPCC, NCC
Elliott, LPCC, NCC, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 7664
Experience:  35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
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hello , Do you have time for a question today ? Elliot

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hello , Do you have time for a question today ? Elliot
Seeking expert testimony is a sign of strength. A personal relationship with a caring professional is proven clinically effective


Let me know how I can help!

Customer: replied 4 years ago.

Thank you we spoke before about being in a loveless marriage which in itself is not the hardest thing as

the hardest thing I believe is the psychological abuse. He will ignore me as though I don't exist and if I went somewhere he won't ask me where I go. Nevr a conversation, care, concern or even a goodnight. however when he wants to look good to the kids he will pretend to be nice to me.

Having narcissistic qualities is one thing,but I think there must be some pleasure he's a rise out of trying to continually control me or keep me at a distance and when I express how that makes me feel he rages.

He has very passive aggressive tendencies and leave things have clean and have 30 deliberately so I know deep in my heart that he is taking pleasure out of causing me pain yet making it look good on the surface that he's being doing something that a husband should do

and will do anything to divert the conversation and take the focus off of him because he's not even showing any type of care.

he knows I have a physical disability and three days in a row he went to the store without even asking if I needed anything even though I reminded him to please ask me while he is at the store if I need anything to pick up to let him know. However I believe it is deliberate it that he is not asking me and please I need some tips.ccmy friend said to stop asking him to ask you if you need anything from the store because he's getting pleasure out of this

then he said good morning to me after days of not speaking with me and I said yes and he said what you can't even say good morning? I am supposed to say good morning when he is so inconsistent and ignores my existence and tends to be a master manipulator I am not asking for marriage I am only asking to be treated like a human being even you would treat a roommate better. I'm sorry but I'm having trouble typing on this mini computerte.

Dear Dawn,

It is always lonelier to be with someone who doesn' care about you, or who treats you cruelly, then to be by yourself.

A narcissist needs narcissitic supply. This does not just mean admiration or great achievement, but means the ability to control other people and bend them to one's will.

This is very typical narcissistic behaviour, actually. Making you suffer whether directly with rage, or indirectly by passive aggression, is a means of empowering himself and gaining narcissistic supply, which he requires just as a vampire requires your blood.

Because he is a narcissist (sociopath), he is absolutely incapable of feeling any remorse for the pain he brings to you. He cannot feel this pain.

In fact, your pain is his pleasure because he can control you that much.

The best way to thwart him is to never let him see that he has hurt you or made you angry or upset. Don't say a word. Do not reveal how you feel with your body language or expression in any many. This is the way to handle a narcissist.

The best way, of course, is to leave them, but that may not be an option for you.

Let me recomend a couple of good books that will help:

Product Details

Why Is It Always About You?: The Seven Deadly Sins of Narcissism by Sandy Hotchkiss and James F. Masterson M.D.






Product Details

Splitting: Protecting Yourself While Divorcing Someone with Borderline or Narcissistic Personality Disorder by Bill Eddy and Randi Kreger


I hope that this helps. I shall continue to keep you in my prayers, Dawn.


Warm regards,



Elliott, LPCC, NCC and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 4 years ago.

Thank You Elliott. I just can't wrap my head around how my pain could be someone else's pleasure. A part of me thinks he is also a great deal of pain but you certainly not looking for a connection with me but rather to control me.

thank you for the reference I'm going to seek out that first book you mentioned today and the second one at a later time.

thank you for the cartoon the day before it was very cute and lifted my spirits. despite the emotional turmoil I have less physical pain which is great. have a good weekend if I don't speak to you again.


Dear Dawn,

Thank you so much.

Here are the DSM-IV criteria for narcissism. He is a particularly virulent one. Control is his life blood.

Diagnostic criteria for 301.81 Narcissistic Personality Disorder


A pervasive pattern of grandiosity (in fantasy or behavior), need for admiration, and lack of empathy, beginning by early adulthood and present in a variety of contexts, as indicated by five (or more) of the following:

(1) has a grandiose sense of self-importance (e.g., exaggerates achievements and talents, expects to be recognized as superior without commensurate achievements)

(2) is preoccupied with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love

(3) believes that he or she is "special" and unique and can only be understood by, or should associate with, other special or high-status people (or institutions)

(4) requires excessive admiration

(5) has a sense of entitlement, i.e., unreasonable expectations of especially favorable treatment or automatic compliance with his or her expectations

(6) is interpersonally exploitative, i.e., takes advantage of others to achieve his or her own ends

(7) lacks empathy: is unwilling to recognize or identify with the feelings and needs of others

(8) is often envious of others or believes that others are envious of him or her

(9) shows arrogant, haughty behaviors or attitudes

Warm regards,


Customer: replied 4 years ago.



Great. Thanks for the feedback. I hope that you can put it to good use.

Warm regards,