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Dr. Mark
Dr. Mark, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 5334
Experience:  Dr. Mark is a PhD in psychology helping with relationships
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Hello! Okey so to make a super long story short I was close

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Hello! Okey so to make a super long story short I was close friends with this guy I met in a college class. We used to hang out all of the time and facebook chat pretty often. Things were going well (or so I thought) and then he pulled the "disappearing act" on my for 5 long months. During that time, I sent him messages to find out what the problem was, but he never responded. I eventually unfriended him, but sometimes I could see on his profile that he was still adding new friends, but purposely avoided and ignored me. Then just very recently, he contacted me again but all he said was "hey". I tried my best to be cool about it and said I was sorry I missed his message and I asked how he was doing. After sending that short message back to him, I felt like I needed to tell him exactly how I was feeling so I sent him a new message explaining just that. I was very honest and I did not say anything mean or insulting, but I was very straightforward. I basically told him that I now don't even know how to feel about him anymore and that he knew it would hurt me by not talking to me all of that time. I also told him that if he wants me in his life, that he has to put in a lot of effort. So, I have not heard from him although I know he's opened and read the message. Now, I have gone full NO CONTACT with him. I have lost all respect and trust for this guy. I think that if he does still want to have me in his life, he will eventually get in touch with me. I don't know if I even still want to have anything to do with him but that is why I'm doing the No Contact so I can sort my feelings out. This guy knew I really had deep feelings for him and he really hurt me. Any advice would fully be appreciated.

Hi! I'll be glad to be of help with this issue.

I can imagine how frustrating this situation must be for you. You are the one who was hurt but you are the one who is explaining yourself. He is the one who should be explaining himself!

And this is why you feel all this pent up anger: he's the one who acted in selfish, uncaring, and inconsiderate ways and yet you're the one who's expected to "make nice". You're clearly a normal person and you can feel inside this is not the right way to be if he wants a relationship with you in any meaningful way.

So, please don't feel like you did anything wrong. With people who act in uncaring ways, you will rarely get them to admit they did anything wrong, so you're going to have to move on, as you say. It's not worth wanting to be with him until he would do a lot of things to show that the way he behaved was not an integral part of who he is, right?

It is hurtful when people act in uncaring and inconsiderate selfish ways. But fortunately, you didn't get too involved with him before he showed what he's like, that he's not just the nice guy you thought he was. That he has some darker parts to him that can be selfish and maybe even use people.

Okay, I wish you the very best!

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Hi! I'm very glad that I was able to help you with this and thank you for your positive rating. If I can help you in the future in any way, please don't hesitate to let me know.

All the best,
Dr. Mark