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Elliott, LPCC, NCC
Elliott, LPCC, NCC, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 7664
Experience:  35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
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My question: Three weeks ago my sons girlfriend asked if

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My question:

Three weeks ago my son's girlfriend asked if she could go to a store to shop with me because she could use my senior discount in order to get 30% off of her purchase. Of course, this meant that I would need to pay for her items with my own in order for her to receive the discount. She said that she would pay me, but it has been three weeks and I have mentioned our shopping outing, but not asked for her to pay me back. She has never mentioned it, nor do I think she intends to pay me back. She racked up almost $180.00 at the store! I liked her, but now I wonder if her intentions are that of a gold digger. She also lives with my son, and pays no bills or rent, food, or anything else, so now my husband and I are supporting them both! She has lost her job, and doesn't intend to go back to work, but just finish her Associates degree, then work afterward. The money is not the issue. It is more that it has hurt my feelings and made me feel that she is just using us for a free ride. Am I being paranoid, selfish, or do I have a real issue. I am so worried, but haven't a clue how to handle this touchy situation.
Seeking expert testimony is a sign of strength. A personal relationship with a caring professional is proven clinically effective.

Dear friend,

I believe that I can help.

This young woman acted inappropriately when she did not pay you immediately at the time for the merchandise that you bought for her.

You should have asked her for it then and there.

However, before you judge her, ask her for the money that you laid out for her, in a very nice way. She should apologize and pay you immediately. If she does not then you have a right to question her intentions and ask her if she thought this was proper behavior?

If she is trying to scam you she will probably come up with some lame excuse.

If she does not pay you then ask your son for the money. Don't be angry or judgmental. Leave that up to him in dealing with her. Just be matter-of-fact about it.

Your son does not have the money, it seems. They will have to do something to pay their way, and that can include chores, housekeeping, and so on.

I also suggest limiting their income allowance.

It is a bit touchy to reverse your generosity, but you can limit it incrementally and suggest to the young lady that she find a job, and to both of them that they have to pull their load and pay their share one way or the other. If not you rightly feel taken advantage of.

Emphasize that this if a matter of good and decent behavior and respect for you. Being a soft-touch only prevents them from growing up and taking responsibility and so you will be helping them in the long run by being firm without being cruel.

I wish you great success in helping them to become responsible and resolving your domestic situation in the most positive manner possible.

Warm regards,

Elliott, LPCC, NCC and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 4 years ago.

Thank you for the advice! I need to be less of a door mat.

Dear Bonnie,

Be firm and stand your ground. They will have to learn that you mean business, so stick to your guns. Learn to say NO with a smile on your face.

I wish you great success.

Warm regards,