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Dr. Paige
Dr. Paige, Psychologist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1427
Experience:  Ph.D. Licensed Psychologist
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HiI was 6.5 yrs with my boyfriend. We come from different

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Hi I was 6.5 yrs with my boyfriend. We come from different countries and hence we met first through internet. After 5 yrs of chatting and meeting sporadically each other I moved to his country. Unfortunately I was quickly disappointed of him. He seemed not to be involved in relationship like I was. He used to travel a lot himself but arranged holidays together only once. He promised to introduce me to his friends what never happened. He did not go out to cinema or theatre. He always explained he had to work a lot (night shift in IT dep) and manage his 4 houses rented out. His mother visits him twice a year and only prior to breakup I was introduced to her. I have never met his brother who lives here as well. When I moved to UK, he borrowed me some money as back-up and then accused me of stealing it; I also heard that in agreement with my mum I was trying to catch him and get pregnant to receive child support. He used to suspect me on cheating on him, he did not like when I was meeting my colleagues and making new friendships. Last autumn my friend got married happily to English guy and I made condition to him: he should finally declare what kind of relation it is, when he wants to settle down and get married. He at age of 37 said he would marry by his 40. or after 40. and why I was still pushing him and nagging (about mutual life, commitment etc). I decided not to be involved in any intimate situation with him (no sex). Since that time he has changed. He was more cold but still he was saying like "I know you like me lots, and I like you". The situation is more complicated as I have been renting a room at one of his houses since July last year. I was helping him a lot, collecting rent, ensuring people clean house, buying stuff, replacing damaged items etc. I also decided not to support him in this way as I noticed I became landlady without rights. 2 months ago he called me to say I should consider moving out. I requested to meet f2f and I heard he knows I am nice, full of compassion but I am also “a problem”. He talked about me with his brother, and he cannot live like this (my complains, nagging...) and we need to split up. He demanded no to discuss personal life anymore. At the end of meeting he asked for sex last time. No worries, he got nothing. A 2 weeks ago he announced he has had a partner and he's trying hard but he sees it does not work. He’s going through hell. Then he tried to avoid the subject. Today he visited a house to sort out some tenant issues. First he was nice, trying to catch my attention for any price, seeing me suntanned in colour dress (he was shocked). Then I asked him to provide his bank account so I could pay like other guys here. He started shouting, requested to move out, insulted my mum, saying I am nasty all time, and he can also make my life a hell. I loved him despite his balding (he has low self-esteem and he is hiding his balding under a cap; he revealed it after 2 yrs of becoming together), his physical change (weight put on a bit) and his temper. Now I see that this guy, who was my first one, is not for me. My heart is broken. Feeling I was used by him and not important is the most painful. I am just trying to understand what is leading him, what his current intention is.

Hello. I'm not certain of your exact question. Clearly this man is using you for whatever he feels like he should be able to without having any type of commitment to you. He liked that you worked for him and collected his rents and whatnot but that's about all he wanted from you other than occasional sex. He is not ready or wanting a long term relationship. He should not be treating you the way he is and I'm happy that you see this. You need to move on with whatever it takes and find someone who cares about you and treats you well. He has decided he is done with you and whatever services you provided for him and he wants to move on as well. You need to do the same.
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Customer: replied 4 years ago.

Hi, true is always painful and you're right in your advice. He also said he wanted to move on although my heart is regretting this, my mind says to disappear from his life totally.

I cannot believe that this guy, who seemed to be nice and intelligent, used me for his purposes. Of course, he was furious and declined this when I asked about it. I can suspect he was dating someone when sex was refused to him....

Thanks for confirmation and your response.

Listen to your mind, not your heart in this situation. I know its difficult, but try to stay positive. He doesn't deserve you. He is the one who has issues that he needs to work on. No woman would put up with his tendencies to use women. Good luck. There are much better men out there !