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Dr. Bonnie
Dr. Bonnie, Psychologist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 2189
Experience:  Experienced in counseling all age persons on relationship issues.
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My partner of 5 months whom I have been living with for 3 of

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My partner of 5 months whom I have been living with for 3 of those months has just asked me to leave as he wants a break. He lost his wife in January this year but assured me when we met that he was ready for a new start. We have never had problems in our relationship together....however his daughter in law hasn't accepted me and has told him he shouldn't be living with me so soon after losing his wife. She told him he should spend some time on his own. We have had a very loving relationship - both of us are very cuddly and he says I have helped him in getting over his wife. We have a perfect match for likes/dislikes even to the point whereby he says I am a lot like his wife. She and I only have 2 days difference in our birth days. He has told me that he needs to spend some time on his own so he can tell if I am the one. If I am he said he will come and get me. This was only a week ago and my life has been hell as I love him with my whole life....we had made so many plans for our future together. I found out last night that he is seeing someone else. My heart is broken. I need to know if this behaviour is eradic or normal and if he will come back to me. I can't understand how someone can tell you the night before you leave you are perfect for them and the next day cut you out of their life. He still call me honey when he speaks to me.
Hello and thank you for consulting JA,
I am sorry you are suffering so. This is indeed a sad situation in many ways. I am glad you are talking to a counselor and hope you continue. It is important for you to give him the space he is requesting. He has not had enough time to grieve the death of his wife. If he does not do the grieving work now, it will "pop-up" later and cause you both grief. He may come back or he might not. If he does not, you need to grieve the loss of him but avoid contacting him because that will surely push him away. With the help of your counselor identify health ways for you to cope with this loss. Get reacquainted with good friends and family, immerse yourself in your interests or develop a new interest, take a class, read a good book. Just distract yourself from thoughts of him and temptation to contact him.
Now, if he was sincere in the things he said, he will be back. If he was not sincere, then he may not be the person you thought he was and you deserve better (and keep telling yourself that).
Again, I am sorry for your suffering and just know that this pain will not last.
I hope this helps...warm regards
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