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Elliott, LPCC, NCC
Elliott, LPCC, NCC, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 7664
Experience:  35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
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I found out my husband was having an affair and I kicked him

Customer Question

I found out my husband was having an affair and I kicked him out. He is now still seeing her and says he loves her but only sees her a few times a week. She is my age never been married and doesnt have or want kids. We have two kids four and two that he sees constantly. He is living with a friend and hasn't moved in with her. He is someone that no one would ever thought would have cheated. I just wonder if he is in list with her and the easy life of no mortgage kids or responsibility
Submitted: 4 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Elliott, LPCC, NCC replied 4 years ago.
Seeking expert testimony is a sign of strength. A personal relationship with a caring professional is proven clinically effective.

Dear friend,

I believe that I can help.

Your husband is still responsible for the mortgage, and for supporting the children, by law.

He cannot be in love with you and still treat you this way. It is easy to tell someone that you are in love with them, but his actions do not match his words.

You need and deserve someone who will adore you and not take another woman to be his lover.

I suggest that you hire a solictor and sue him for divorce and child support. He can still see his children but he will have to support them and not put a financial burden and on you.

I wish you great strength and perseverance and shall hold you and your family in my prayers.

Warm regards,

Customer: replied 4 years ago.

You have told me nothing I don't already know I am looking for relationship advice not legal advice.

Expert:  Elliott, LPCC, NCC replied 4 years ago.
Dear Vicki,

I am sorry if you did not understand that my advice was not really legal advice. I was telling you that he has already left you. This is not lust. He has thrown you away. He may come back to you if she throws him out, but he has made a very clear choice, and that choice is painful to you.

Lust is easilty satisfied. It does not require moving out of the marital home. Instead, he has betrayed and broken your marriage. He may come back to you but if you let him back he will know that he can always do this to you again.

In any case, he is not apparently coming back and is quite content to leave you broken-hearted and hoping that he will come back when he satisfies his lust.

He is apparently in an emotional relationship as well as a physical one, and that is more than lust. He says he loves you but she painfully, is his woman now, and not you.

He says he has not fallen out of love with you, but those are mere words without the deeds to back them up. If you love someone then you don't leave them for another and break their heart.

There is a big difference between wanting him back and getting him back. If he comes back it will be because he has nowhere else to go. If you want him back on those terms then you merely have to wait until he comes back - if he ever does.

If you want him at all costs you may get him back, but it will be no guarantee that you will hold him.

Your choice is to continue to wait and hope (and hoping for something that may never happen is called "being in denial") or you can move on with your life.

Those are your two options.

It is up to you do decide.

I wish you great happiness and success.

Warm regards,