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My wife and I met 35 years ago but broke up after 2 months

of dating. We reconnected...
My wife and I met 35 years ago but broke up after 2 months of dating. We reconnected in 2010 and married a year later. She seems to regret that decision but yet I have been so attentive to her and, in opinion, a great husband. I want her to be happy and feel like we could be wonderfully happy together. After being married 29 years to her first husband and now 2 years to me - at age 53, she is desiring independence and certainly distance from me. Our courtship was filled with fire and romance but once we were married, she changed. I'm deeply in love with her and want to help her. She is on Prozac for depression symptoms and this may be affecting her desire for me, etc. What can I do to help her? What must SHE do to help herself? Thanks!
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Answered in 16 minutes by:
8/5/2013
TherapistMaryAnn
TherapistMaryAnn, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 5,896
Experience: Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
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Hello, I'd like to help you with your question.

It sounds like you have done a lot to try to help your marriage improve and make your wife happy. But for some reason, she still seems like she wants to move on from your marriage and from what you said, there is no clear reason why.

If you have not already, try sitting down with your wife and asking her point blank what has changed for her from the time you were dating until the time you were married and since then. You deserve to know why she feels this way. You also need to know if she understands why she feels as she does. It helps to know what to focus on in order to fix the problems.

Make lists of what makes you happy about each other. Then go over them together. That may help bring some spark back into your marriage and remind your wife of the good times.

If she is depressed, that could be a huge reason why she wants to end the marriage. People can feel depressed and focus on the wrong reasons why they are depressed. Ask your wife if she is willing to talk to her therapist and/or psychiatrist about the effects of depression on her feelings about you and your marriage in general.

When a marriage is falling apart and there are no clear answers, sometimes it helps to go back to the beginning and find out what made your marriage work. Then focus on those details. Try to work on expanding them. For example, if you came together because you found you both like to laugh, focus on the humor in your relationship. Go on dates to comedy clubs, tell each other jokes, etc. Do whatever it takes to re discover what brought you together.

If these things do not work, try seeing a therapist together. A different therapist than you both see now, one that can look at your relationship with a new point of view. It may be that just talking to someone new helps you both to figure out the best way to approach what is wrong, and how to fix it.

I hope this has helped you,
Kate








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TherapistMaryAnn
TherapistMaryAnn, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 5,896
Experience: Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
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