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Elliott, LPCC, NCC
Elliott, LPCC, NCC, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 7664
Experience:  35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
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Hello Mr Johnson, My husband and I have been in a committed

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Hello Mr Johnson,
My husband and I have been in a committed relationship for over 25 yrs, but about 15 yrs ago, my husband introduced the idea of him being a submissive. We have not had sexual relations for some time before that, and since opening up about his needs, we have not had a sexual relationship at all. We've tried to havecountless discussions about how/what/why which only lead to a dead end. Often times tears, frustration and anger on both sides. I love my husband very much, but he does not show any physical affection whatsoever. I've read numerous books, watched videos, asked him many many questions, but he cannot seem to tell me what he needs from me to make him feel submissive. I keep guessing, trying to figure things out, but I am just left feeling empty and frustrated. I am at my wits end because I am not in the same type of relationship I was in when we married. My husband is more like a brother or a provider now, and neither of us are happy. What else can I do/try to open up communications? Jodi
Seeking expert testimony is a sign of strength. A personal relationship with a caring professional is proven clinically effective.

Dear friend,

If I understand correctly, you have not had much of a relationship for over 15 years, when your committed relationship turned into something else - a strong friendship/roomate status.

You have tried and tried. You are getting close to the point of giving up - meaning to abandon hope of a husband wife relationship and then either: live together as friends and roomates while you remain unfulfilled and unloved for the rest of your days, or; separate and divorce and start a new chapter in your life.

It may be difficult to accomplish, but it is the best hope for you.

I noticed that you have not visited a sex therapist. A sex therapist is a mental health professional with additional training and national certification. He or she are experts at solving problems such as yours.

The way to find a certified sex therapist is through the AASECT site:

AASECT - Member Directory

Click on your state and a list will appear. Choose the therapist that best suits you.

If you cannot find one nearby, then go to: and click on your state and city and search in that site under marriage therapy or sex therapy.

If this doesn't work then you must decide on how you wish to spend your future.

I shall keep you both in my prayers.

Warm regards,

Elliott, LPCC, NCC and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 3 years ago.

Thank you - your reply makes total sense to me. I forgot to mention that he has visited a certified sex therapist to help him open up about his needs, and has brought some of my questions with him to clarify...just seems it doesn't go any further after a couple visits. With so much time and "life" invested together it seems be very difficult to move forward without him by my side every day...I'll have to weigh the pros/cons and as you mentioned, decide how I want to spend my future...we only go around once, right? Thanks again for listening! Jodi

Dear Jodi,

You seem to be a very sensible person and you deserved to be someone's precious and desired woman. I wish you great courage in moving forward.

God bless,