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Ask TherapistMaryAnn Your Own Question
TherapistMaryAnn, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 5838
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
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what are the signs my girlfriend wants to restore our relationship

Customer Question

what are the signs my girlfriend wants to restore our relationship after she had an affair
Submitted: 4 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  TherapistMaryAnn replied 4 years ago.
Hello, I'd like to help you with your question.

When trust is undermined in a relationship, it can be difficult to cope with. But it can be rebuilt if both partners are willing to try, which it certainly sounds like your girlfriend is willing to do. Here are some tips to help you regain trust with your girlfriend:

One, usually the first step is taking responsibility for what happened. It does sound like your girlfriend is taking responsibility, which is great. Without it, recovering your relationship would be difficult.

Two, has your girlfriend stopped all contact with the other person she had the affair with? Doing so helps the past truly become the past and so the wounds from the affair do not keep getting opened.

Three, are the two of you talking about what happened? She needs to be open and honest about what happened and let you ask any questions you need to about what happened and how she is addressing the issue. She also needs to be willing to allow you to see her cell and/or emails so you can feel reassured that she is being open with you. This is only a temporary measure, just until you feel safe again.

Those are some of the most important steps that need to occur so you both can move on. Also, counseling can help if either of you feel you need help with the process of rebuilding trust. Talk with your doctor or insurance company about a referral to a therapist. If you attend church, talk with your pastor. Pastors are often very good
counselors. Also, if you have problems affording therapy, try your local community mental health center. They can offer therapy on a sliding scale fee system.

The main issue is to focus on rebuilding trust. It can take a while and a lot of work, but you can do it as long as you both are motivated.

Here are some books that may help you:

Infidelity: A Survival Guide by Don-David Lusterman.

Not "Just Friends": Rebuilding Trust and Recovering Your Sanity After
Infidelity by Shirley P. Glass and Jean Coppock Staeheli.

You can find these both on or your local library may have them.

I hope this has helped you,


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Expert:  TherapistMaryAnn replied 4 years ago.
I hope my answer was helpful to you. Let me know if you have any more questions.