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TherapistMaryAnn, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 5807
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
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Recently known male married "friend" emailed to my wife with

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Recently known male married "friend" emailed to my wife with a message "...I'll wait for you at the dark alley..."? This male friend, who jokes frequently, was planning to pickup stuff from my wife at her work place and had arranged to meet her after work. He was emailing her for her work address.

Following this incident, both started to do minor flirting and continuing emailing each other until I found out.

Should I be concerned? And what should I do?
Hello, I'd like to help you with your question.

It sounds like your wife has allowed this man to think that she is open to a relationship with him. Although he may be known as someone who likes to joke a lot, what he is doing with your wife is not funny at all. And it is not a joke if the two of them are hiding what they are doing from you.

It is up to your wife to put a stop to this situation. She needs to tell this man that she is married and that he needs to stop contacting her except when it is ok with you. However, if your wife will not tell this man to stop, you may need to let her know that the two of you need counseling. She needs to understand that flirting with other men and encouraging cheating type behavior undermines your ability to trust her and she may end up hurting your marriage if she continues.

If your wife will not go to therapy, go on your own. You need the support right now and the chance to work on how you want to handle this issue.

If your wife continues with her behavior, you may want to consider a temporary separation. Sometimes spouses need to see that you are serious about what you feel and that they need to stop what they are doing. Here are some other resources to help you:

Should I Stay Or Go? : How Controlled Separation (CS) Can Save Your Marriage by Lee Raffel

Coping With Infidelity - Tips For Dealing With The Other Person by Leigh Richwood

I hope this was helpful,


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