Yes, I know he has BB for support etc. I am well aware that his problems are his problems. But when I say I end up sorting all out, eg He says he will do something with son for the day as I go to work. Then im at work ring son, dad has gone off somewhere with bb and I have to make sure son is ok etc. Thats an example . Another is he runs off with bb when he has said he will take daughter somewhere, I have to step in. I know and dont want to be responsible for him but I do have to make sure all else re home work and kids are covered. Thats what I mean. I could give you loads more examples. With bb he is organised etc because it is army. With me he leaves chaos and I am fed up to the teeth with him. I dont care that he is with BB, but the only reason that my kids are good is because I am sensible and capable. I look forward to having my own home, key and money, At present I am the rented family home, he wont move all his things out, despite me moving most for him. He lives in another old house we own, looking onto the foundations of a house we were building. Can you get a picture now , of what I mean re sorting things out. He still has a key to this house. He dosnt use it and solictor is aware, ( but he dosnt want to give it to me ) Whats that about.? . I get frustrated and up in arms re his behaviour when it directly effects me and kids, and I refuse to let him away with it. I am well aware as I do, I push him to BB. But I can not pussy foot around him, he is not a child and if he has to be pushed to her , well then she hasnt got him, despite appearances. If she has got him, well then why does he want his key to here?????? Him and her are always going to be about. Him and I have kids, I know you said I could handle him quietly but it dosnt matter if I shout or whisper. Recently when I have been asking re plans re kids etc he is back to doing what he does best, XXXXX XXXXX passive aggressive with me and making plans and not following through. We are getting closer to settlement. ( after two years of him not suppling sol with the details required, but he will say its all my fault.) Why is he not just getting on with it eg he has and old car and trailor here, Why?????? Thats what I mean when I say he does my head in. I have come a long long way and I am well aware I will cope and be happy and keeps kids on straight and narrow. But sometimes I just need my head sorted. By talking to folks along the way, I understand my reactions and have managed to cope with his behaviour, But I feel I have overshoot the runway and now want to get him out of my life, but I am stuck with him and her , I am sure they feel stuck with me, but I have moved his things over but as said he is happy to keep things over here,they are to big etc for me to move on my own. . Rightly or wrongly I am going to do and say what I feel is right at the time, no planning or manipulation because at times if I say white he will say black. If I said black he will say white. It is not about winning with him its about , keeping myself right. I do resent the fact he has told lies about me and that he has done nothing to keep my kids in touch with his kids, I was able to do that for 18 years. But even at that I can cope, but at times I feel I am never going to be truely free of this man. Sorry about rant, but I do remind myself I am not the girl that used to cry. In the past I could have got the police re his and her behaviour to me but I talked it over with solictor and chose not to as it takes things to a level that is more difficult for kids. Ex and BB aware I saw a solictor , that was enough to stop behaviour. I do resent the army etc having no idea what he was and is like with me, but re me starting a big issue with the army re same ,( I do have evidence) I actually just want to move on, that I think is the best revenge. Its strange, my psychiatric training has been both a blessing and a curse. It gave me the understanding to manage the situations but unfortunately tolerated too much. Now I wont tolerate anything.