Hello Karin, since I last emailed you about my relationship a lot has happened. He contacted me just before I was leaving, however, was offended that I wasn't going to contact him. I explained that I was giving him space to enjoy Ramadan and celebrate Eid. All seemed pretty ok for a while: he was supposed to move with me but told me he was not ready just yet and that he was saving money to buy a car, house etc and working really hard for us. I started a new job, was settling and thought Ill see how it all goes. We had our ups and downs: him disappearing, being moody, telling me I am not a woman for him then when I distance myself he would apologise or be hurt I distanced myself .... I think he is afraid of making a committment yet puts the blame on me. He seems to be under pressure but Im not sure if it is because of me. He is not happy with my new job, he tells me he wants to be my number one but he is not even around. Once he visited and I had to deal with an emergency and he took offence. When we make plans it is always last minute , according to his feelings. He tells me he is tired, busy ... I told him I was letting go of us - because it all became too erratic and exhausting - and then contacted him again and since then he has been extremely strange. For example, he came to visit and wanted to be physically close but I wanted us to wait. He got angry, told me not to tell him ever again that I miss him, pushed me away aggressively and shut himself in the bathroom. I left to give him space, when I returned I asked can we start again and all was ok. However, he could not forgive me, kept mentioning I rejected him, apologised for pushing me away but said it is because I upset him. He was giving me a cold shoulder and told me we are not making love, that we are just having sex. Two weeks ago we met again and all was ok on Saturday. On Sunday he told me he was working and made plans during the day. He did not have to work and as |I carried on with my plans he was offended. He never said but I could tell: we went out for dinner and he did not make a slightest suggestion to pay (he usually if not always pays), he did not want to be physically close saying he is tired which is ok but it made me feel he was playing game. He checked my mobile and he also told me that because I am going away for Christmas/ New Year away that he will not be in touch with me as he needs to get used to the fact that I wont be around. He also told me very hurtful things since I initiated the break up: that he does not want to have children, if I have a child that he will leave because I will love the child more than him, than he has to support his family back home, accused me of using him for physical pleasure and would I leave him if he couldnt perform? It has all turned into a huge mess and I do not know where are all his statements, accusations coming from. He stopped communicating with me maybe three weeks ago. I emailed him twice to say 'Hi' and keep some communication going but no reply from him. He told me a while ago: after I agreed that we spend festive period together that I should just go away as planned, that he loves me and wants the best for me and when I come back we shall see what happens. I asked him what does he mean and he told me that he doesnt know how will I change, who am I going to be when I come back. I appreciate Karin that I hurt him by saying I was letting go of our relationship and that it made him feel unloved. However, it all came after I felt neglected by him although to that he said that he is working, he is tired, that everybody wants something from him but nobody cares about him .... It feels as if we are talking different languages. I do love him but our relationship cannot function as it is. He told me he doesnt want to talk, defending himself all the time, that he just wants to relax. Iam giving him space but I feel he has left me. He apologised for hurting me, for all the wrongs he has done and that said that I should not let anybody hurt. I feel we are both struggling but in a different way and for different reasons. I love him and am not sure if he loves me. Id like to believe it but with everything else I dont. He even tells me himself that he knows that I do not believe that he loves me. I do not know hat to do for the best. I sent him a couple of emails: no reply. I do not want to call because Im afraid he wont pick up or who knows what he will say and I will end up hurt even more. Thanks.