Seeking expert testimony is a sign of strength. A personal relationship with a caring professional is proven clinically effective.
I believe that I can help.
You seem to be a most thoughtful and considerate person, and you are trying so hard to understand your behaviour, your shortcomings, and how to communicate effectively.
This woman is very manipulative and controlling, and will make your life unpleasant if she doesn't get her way.
This is not a woman that you want to marry. She cannot compromise adequately and you will not have a smooth relationship with her.
She uses the "waivering feelings" routine as leverage to get her way, and you allow her every time.
It seems to me that the highway will lead somewhere but her way will only lead to a dead end.
You have been admirably making yourself a better person and you will make the right person very happy. The wrong person will make you very unhappy. I think you have found her and I would recommend that you consider taking that road that seems to be offered to you with great regularity.
This book might help.
I wish you great wisdom and strength and I shall keep you in my prayers for success.
Elliott, MAE, LPCC, NCC, CCMHC