Seeking expert testimony is a sign of strength. A personal relationship with a caring professional is proven clinically effective.
I believe that I can help.
It is not you who has the problem. You are beyond wonderful in the way you treat him, and he does not seem to appreciate who you are or what you do for him.
He may be a narcissist, meaning he cares only about himself and his own needs.
Narcissists always do and say things so that others think they are wonderful people. They like to be admired and will manipulate others for gain or admiration. They are the best liars, and perhaps that is why he lies to you - to manipulate you.
The worst thing about a narcissist is that they are UNABLE to feel empathy for others, to care about their pain or suffering. It does not touch them. They can pretend that they care because they are great actors, but THEY DO NOT FEEL much as a blind man cannot see.
He is NOT a great guy. He is a selfish and uncaring person who doesn't have any feelings or regards XXXXX XXXXX Others may think so but if they knew how he really treats you they would not like him a bit.
It is very rare for a narcissist to want to go to counseling. You both should go together to a marriage and family therapist (LMFT) but he probably will not go, and if he did he would charm the therapist and put the blame on you.
Naricissists victimize others. Then they claim that THEY are the victims and that the others are the perpetrators.
You are beginning to think that you are the bad person. You are a wonderful person and deserve to be treated much better than this.
He will not change and you should not remain in this relationship. You deserve someone who appreciates you and treats you kindly and respects your family. You may be physically bonded to him, and may be addicted to this relationship, but it is hurting you and destroying your life.
Let me recommend two books for you and I strongly urge you to get.
Get the books and read them. You will learn a lot, and how to respond and move your life forward.
I wish you God's blessings and shall keep you in my prayers.
Elliott, MAE, LPCC, NCC, CCMHC