Relationship

Have Relationship Questions? Ask a Counselor for Answers ASAP

Ask an Expert,
Get an Answer ASAP!

Relationship
This answer was rated:

I have been dating a man for over 2 years. Currently, we both

I have been dating a...
I have been dating a man for over 2 years. Currently, we both are under a lot of stress. He is having a career crisis, not making enough money and trying to change careers. I am currently trying to get out of sharing a business with an ex-husband, struggling to keep up with house payments, repairs, yardwork, etc. I also have 2 teenagers, an 18-year-old daughter who wants nothing to do with her dad and an 15-year-old son. My son recently had an episode with his dad where his dad was calling me an "f****** idiot", etc. and my son was sticking up for me. It was quite a yelling match and my son had to tell his dad to get off our property. I am currently looking into filing an anti-harassment order against my ex who won't stop sending me negative and mean texts. (We separated in 2008). Recently, I expressed to my boyfriend how my son feels he doesn't like him (my son has ADHD, is very hyper, and is difficult but sweet). My boyfriend said he is just hard to be around. This weekend my ex went out of town plus my daughter just got back from being gone a week and I didn't want to be gone but my boyfriend made comments about it being so hard to be around my son right now. I became hurt and said fine, we will just wait until next weekend to see each other. He sensed I was mad. I don't know if I'm feeling my parenting is being criticized, or I'm disappointed that he won't make more effort to be with my son, or I'm not being very understanding of his stress and what he is going through. He texted me this morning about talking with my son and modeling specific concerns that would help him which makes me feel judged with my parenting role. I can be sensitive. I am going through some life changes and have constantly been told I'm too nice and now am trying to make sure I get my needs met, feelings expressed but I constantly doubt myself and my opinions. What's the best way to figure out what is going on inside me, if it's legitimate and worth expressing. Should I be upset that he didn't want to come to my house this weekend to be with me and my kids but preferred to be home alone?
Show More
Show Less
Ask Your Own Relationship Question
Answered in 1 hour by:
7/20/2013
Elliott, LPCC, NCC
Elliott, LPCC, NCC, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 7,664
Experience: 35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
Verified
Seeking expert testimony is a sign of strength. A personal relationship with a caring professional is proven clinically effective.

Dear friend,

You are under a great deal of stress and so is your boyfriend.

An ADHD child is so active and can be so volatile that it is certainly a factor in your relationship.

I assume that you are doing all that you can for your son. If his behavior is not being modified then his therapist will have to try a different approach.

I don't think that your boyfriend is criticizing you but rather trying to lend a hand so that the home situation is more conducive to harmony between all of you.

Your abusive ex husband is adding to your stress level. Block his phone. Block his emails and texts. If he further harasses you, call the police and get an order of protection against him through the courts.

I believe that your boyfriend is frustrated and wants to to the best thing and sees that change is needed. He just wants to help, but he is not a professional.

I urge you to find a licensed marriage and family therapist (LMFT) to help you. These are master's level mental health therapists specifically trained in relationships but with plenty of additional knowledge in mental health issues.

He doesn't want to come to your house this weekend because he does not want to be in a high stress situation which he cannot control and where his input is not particularly well taken.

You will do well to shop around for a therapist with the experience and intelligence to help you. Perhaps you and your boyfriend could do that together.

A good place to start is at:

www.psychologytoday.com

Enter your state and city and then narrow the search to relationship issues or marriage and family problems. You will see an area called issues.

Read carefully and assess the therapists listed. Not all are equal. Many will give you a free phone consultation as well.

I wish you great success in establishing harmony and stability in your life and family. To that end I shall keep you in my prayers.

Warm regards,

Elliott, MAE, LPCC, NCC, CCMHC
Ask Your Own Relationship Question
Customer reply replied 4 years ago

My boyfriend is a school counselor and by me telling him that my son feels like he doesn't like him, I was expecting him to know what to do to make a connection. With him withdrawing like he did, it makes me feel like he really interested in making a connection. Should I just back off because he is stressed with his career or expect him (after 2 years together) to make more of an effort to help my son?

Dear XXXXX,

Thanks for filling me in on the details.

If your boyfriend is a school counselor then he should have master's degree in school counseling which is not far off from a professional counsleor and she should be aware of how to get along with troubled children.

I can see that he is having career problems and does not seem to have the skills or patience to work with children. His difficulty with your son may reflect his bad career choice and only serves to reinforce his anxiety about the predicament he is in.

He may be in a state of depression which would render him unwilling to be around anyone and being highly irritable. He was probably just trying to give you advice rather than criticize your parenting skills.

She should have the understanding to help, but he needs communication skills in order to convey that knowledge to you.

Right now he can barely manage his own feelings. If he is depressed that will make it nearly impossible for him to show enthusiasm or patience, and he will be very irritable.

As a prelude to seeing a therapist I highly recommend this book: the best one ever written on couples communication:

Product Details

The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work: A Practical Guide from the Country's Foremost Relationship Expert... by John M. Gottman and Nan Silver



You don't have to be married to profit from this book.

I wish you great success in making this work.

Warm regards,

Elliott
Elliott, LPCC, NCC
Elliott, LPCC, NCC, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 7,664
Experience: 35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
Verified
Elliott, LPCC, NCC and 87 other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Ask your own question now
Ask Elliott, LPCC, NCC Your Own Question
Elliott, LPCC, NCC
Elliott, LPCC, NCC
Elliott, LPCC, NCC, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 7,664
7,664 Satisfied Customers
Experience: 35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC is online now

A new question is answered every 9 seconds

How JustAnswer works:

  • Ask an ExpertExperts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional AnswerVia email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site. Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction GuaranteeRate the answer you receive.

JustAnswer in the News:

Ask-a-doc Web sites: If you've got a quick question, you can try to get an answer from sites that say they have various specialists on hand to give quick answers... Justanswer.com.
JustAnswer.com...has seen a spike since October in legal questions from readers about layoffs, unemployment and severance.
Web sites like justanswer.com/legal
...leave nothing to chance.
Traffic on JustAnswer rose 14 percent...and had nearly 400,000 page views in 30 days...inquiries related to stress, high blood pressure, drinking and heart pain jumped 33 percent.
Tory Johnson, GMA Workplace Contributor, discusses work-from-home jobs, such as JustAnswer in which verified Experts answer people’s questions.
I will tell you that...the things you have to go through to be an Expert are quite rigorous.

What Customers are Saying:

Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help.

Mary C.Freshfield, Liverpool, UK

This expert is wonderful. They truly know what they are talking about, and they actually care about you. They really helped put my nerves at ease. Thank you so much!!!!

AlexLos Angeles, CA

Thank you for all your help. It is nice to know that this service is here for people like myself, who need answers fast and are not sure who to consult.

GPHesperia, CA

I couldn't be more satisfied! This is the site I will always come to when I need a second opinion.

JustinKernersville, NC

Just let me say that this encounter has been entirely professional and most helpful. I liked that I could ask additional questions and get answered in a very short turn around.

EstherWoodstock, NY

Thank you so much for taking your time and knowledge to support my concerns. Not only did you answer my questions, you even took it a step further with replying with more pertinent information I needed to know.

RobinElkton, Maryland

He answered my question promptly and gave me accurate, detailed information. If all of your experts are half as good, you have a great thing going here.

DianeDallas, TX

< Previous | Next >

Meet the Experts:

TherapistMaryAnn

TherapistMaryAnn

Counselor

1,706 satisfied customers

Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues

Ms Chase

Ms Chase

Life Coach

853 satisfied customers

Over 20 yrs experience with Relationships, Sexuality, Friendship, and Family Issues

Alicia_MSW

Alicia_MSW

Psychotherapist

468 satisfied customers

Specializing in relationship/family counseling

Dr. Norman Brown

Dr. Norman Brown

Marriage Therapist

426 satisfied customers

Family Therapist & teacher 35+ yrs; PhD research in couples

Dr. L

Dr. L

Psychologist

366 satisfied customers

Licensed as a Psychologist and Marriage & Family Therapist.

Suzanne

Suzanne

Therapist, LCSW

338 satisfied customers

Experienced in treating trauma, relationship issues, co-dependency

DrJackiePhD

DrJackiePhD

Doctor

336 satisfied customers

I have been doing research in relational/interpersonal communication since 1998. My Ph.D. is in interpersonal communication.

< Previous | Next >

Related Relationship Questions
Me and this woman were seeing each other the first month was
Me and this woman were seeing each other the first month was great then I felt her starting to put up a wall she asked for time and space to work on herself she didn't feel deserving of my love Said t… read more
Rosemary S.
Rosemary S.
Master\u0027s Degree
7 satisfied customers
I have been with my girlfriend for 7 years now, shes 27 and
HelloI have been with my girlfriend for 7 years now, shes 27 and i am 34, and shes ready for marriage. She actually has been wanting it for many years, and she actually fights with me about it from ti… read more
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
Counselor
Master\u0027s Degree
168 satisfied customers
My daughter is a single mother, and she struggles. my
my daughter is a single mother, and she struggles. my granddaughter her daughter is 4.5 and just started JK. They are both high strung (probably ADHD) I was raising my grandaughter for 2 years and she… read more
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
Counselor
Master\u0027s Degree
168 satisfied customers
I've been hanging out with a guy at college who also happens
I've been hanging out with a guy at college who also happens to be from my hometown for about 2 months. I really like him but I'm not sure if I'm being a fool just waiting around for it to become a re… read more
Rosemary S.
Rosemary S.
Master\u0027s Degree
7 satisfied customers
I have been seeing a guy for 5 months - always casually - he
I have been seeing a guy for 5 months - always casually - he has been clear he is none exclusive - initally we both dated others , after he went away for 3 weeks we focussed on each other but now i am… read more
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
Counselor
Master\u0027s Degree
168 satisfied customers
My Dad recently married a woman who has four adult children.
Hello! My Dad recently married a woman who has four adult children. One of whom is having a baby this week. Another is also pregnant. I have only met these “step-siblings” once or twice...am I suppose… read more
TherapistJen
TherapistJen
Licensed Clinical Social Worker
Master\u0027s Degree
951 satisfied customers
Hope all is well. I want to share with you that ... The guy
Hi Jen , Hope all is well. I want to share with you that ... The guy who I have declined a date with wrote me back two weeks later and asked me why I declined his offer to go to dinner. He was my boyf… read more
TherapistJen
TherapistJen
Licensed Clinical Social Worker
Master\u0027s Degree
951 satisfied customers
Im so confused.. I snooped on my boyfriends of 12 years and
Im so confused.. I snooped on my boyfriends of 12 years and couldnt stop... I Feel like fool now.. He moved out of his apartment and im still here.. He asked to move out two weeks ago.. I have yet to … read more
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
Counselor
Master\u0027s Degree
168 satisfied customers
My daughter acused me of hurting her she is 20 and told my
My daughter acused me of hurting her she is 20 and told my wife and she kicked me out. The oldest daughter proved that the younger was lieing but my wife won't talk to me or answer texts she said she … read more
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
Counselor
Master\u0027s Degree
168 satisfied customers
My husband, who has been semi-retired for 1 year, has again
my husband, who has been semi-retired for 1 year, has again become obsessed with tracking down a former fiancee who ended the relationship in 1967. He had a previous 'episode' 16 years ago, a a time o… read more
Angela
Angela
Counselor
490 satisfied customers
I would like to see if my ex boyfriend still loves me. I
I would like to see if my ex boyfriend still loves me. I know that we still care for each other, but he says that he wants to be friends and that too much trust has been damaged in the relationship lo… read more
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
Counselor
Master\u0027s Degree
168 satisfied customers
My ex and I of 2 years broke up on Sept 6th if this year. A
my ex and I of 2 years broke up on Sept 6th if this year. A week later she was dating someone new. Her and I were still having sex until the end of Oct. So she was cheating on him weekly with me. Now … read more
Rosemary S.
Rosemary S.
Master\u0027s Degree
7 satisfied customers
Can I email my fiancee's boss to stop giving my fiancée
Can I email my fiancee's boss to stop giving my fiancée personal advice about our relationship if it's hurting our relationship?… read more
TherapistMaryAnn
TherapistMaryAnn
Counselor
Master's Degree
1,706 satisfied customers
I was wondering after I gave advice and my attitude, heart
I was wondering after I gave advice and my attitude, heart and soul, poured into this how do I go about getting another present that as good as you… read more
Rosemary S.
Rosemary S.
Master\u0027s Degree
7 satisfied customers
My boyfriend has been a compulsive liar almost the entire
My boyfriend has been a compulsive liar almost the entire relationship. Me finding texts to other women, catching him in ringing women, you name it. We now have a child together. My sexual urges are c… read more
S. August Abbott
S. August Abbott
Etiquette consultant
Doctoral Degree
260 satisfied customers
The man I a dating says he wants to take a time out. He does
The man I a dating says he wants to take a time out. He does feel an emotional bond He says he does not know if is me or he might have Asperger S. He has After 6 months he has never sais he likes me N… read more
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
Counselor
Master\u0027s Degree
168 satisfied customers
Thank you for your response about my relationship. I do
Thank you John for your response about my relationship. I do understand what you are saying and I have decided to give him space. He told me yesterday that he thinks he needs some space because he isn… read more
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
Counselor
Master\u0027s Degree
168 satisfied customers
My question is about drinking. When my fiancé and I met I
Hi. My question is about drinking. When my fiancé and I met I enjoyed a drink at the end of the day to relax. That hasn't changed as I still enjoy a drink after work. … read more
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
Counselor
Master\u0027s Degree
168 satisfied customers
Disclaimer: Information in questions, answers, and other posts on this site ("Posts") comes from individual users, not JustAnswer; JustAnswer is not responsible for Posts. Posts are for general information, are not intended to substitute for informed professional advice (medical, legal, veterinary, financial, etc.), or to establish a professional-client relationship. The site and services are provided "as is" with no warranty or representations by JustAnswer regarding the qualifications of Experts. To see what credentials have been verified by a third-party service, please click on the "Verified" symbol in some Experts' profiles. JustAnswer is not intended or designed for EMERGENCY questions which should be directed immediately by telephone or in-person to qualified professionals.

Disclaimer: Information in questions, answers, and other posts on this site ("Posts") comes from individual users, not JustAnswer; JustAnswer is not responsible for Posts. Posts are for general information, are not intended to substitute for informed professional advice (medical, legal, veterinary, financial, etc.), or to establish a professional-client relationship. The site and services are provided "as is" with no warranty or representations by JustAnswer regarding the qualifications of Experts. To see what credentials have been verified by a third-party service, please click on the "Verified" symbol in some Experts' profiles. JustAnswer is not intended or designed for EMERGENCY questions which should be directed immediately by telephone or in-person to qualified professionals.

Show MoreShow Less

Ask Your Question

x