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Elliott, LPCC, NCC
Elliott, LPCC, NCC, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 7664
Experience:  35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
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Me and my girlfriend have been together for a while now and

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Me and my girlfriend have been together for a while now and just recently started under going a lot of stress and found ourselves in a routine that is kind of making things boring. she said she isn't sure if she wants to be with me because of part routine and part relationship. She tells me I'm the most amazing person that has ever happened to her and that shes never had anyone love her like I do but something is off. I don't know what to do and I really needs some advice o don't want to lose her. She is afraid to fall in love again because of her ex and I feel like she's letting that effect her. She said that she's happy I'm amazing that she's scared to break up because she knows that she won't find anyone like me again but she's bored with our routine and doesn't know if she's ready 

Seeking expert testimony is a sign of strength. A personal relationship with a caring professional is proven clinically effective.

Dear friend,

All individuals (with rare exceptions) all into daily routines which are in part formed by our work schedule, and our sleeping and eating habits.

Honeymoons never last forever and we all fall into routines.

It is quite likely that this normal level occurred at the time of your girlfriends toubles and breakup with her former boyfriend.

You did not say what happened to that relationship. It could have been because they were not geting along or because he was abusive.

It could also have occurred because she is afraid of relationships and sabotaged this one and is now doing the same thing.

It also could be because she has a hard breakup and she is afraid of another failure.

She could have abandonment issues from childhood (neglected or abandoned) and that will cause a person to fear abandonment - real or imagined - and consequently to sabotabe the relationship before they are abandoned.

For now, give her plenty of positive support and let her know that you are a secure and safe haven. It seems that you are already an excellent partner, but if her fears are irrational, then you will have a harder time to make her feel secure.

I do recommend one book that could be most helpful:]

Product Details

The Secret of Letting Go by Guy Finley

This book can help her move beyond her fears of the past.


If she has abandonment issues due to childhood trauma of neglect or abandonment, then she may require some dialectical behavior therapy.


If she says this is the case, she can work on herself with this excellent workbook":




Product Details

The Dialectical Behavior Therapy Skills Workbook: Practical DBT Exercises for Learning Mindfulness, Interpersonal... by Matthew McKay, Jeffrey C. Wood and Jeffrey Brantley


Keep telling her how you feel and keep giving her the support she craves to counter her insecurities. You have a lot going for you that can hold this relationship together through this hard time. Take action, however, while you can.

Warm regards,




I shall keep you both in my prayers.



Elliott, LPCC, NCC and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 4 years ago.

Elliott. The relationship before was extremely unhealthy.

She really has put a whole new look on love and says she will never be able to move the same again. she said she was so sure that this girl was the right person yet it didn't work at all. now she said she will always be unsure. She also said she is young and feels like she wants to live.

To be honest we are best friends more than anything I've never felt so my self with anyone before. so whatever she wants to do to live and explore life I am right there with her. I love her more than anything in this world and I appreciate her and everything she does. I just feel like part of it is that we have consistently done the same things and haven't really been us and the other part maybe she just doesn't think I am it for her. I recommened doing new things and letting us get settled into out new place because right now we are in a bedroom in student living. Do you think that this is fixable

Dear Brittany,

Thanks for getting back to me. It seems that she was very traumatized by her previous dysfunctional relationship and is still suffering from the effects.

You seem as if you have the maturity to give her the unconditional love that she needs. That translates to great patience, acceptance, uncritical support, stability, and permanence.

That is a lot to ask, but it is the key to fixing this. You have been doing the same things, but that is what partners do. They must be her thing as well, or course.

If her "thing" is to have other relationships and not stay in a committed relationship with you then this could be a deal breaker because it will be so hard to bear.

Otherwise, you can continue to have your friendship and move slowly and cautiously.

She does not want to feel trapped again. It was perhaps at the point when her previous relationship began to move closer that the bad things began to happen. She is reaching that critical point again and her tendency is to run to avoid a repeat.

Go slow and show her that you are willing to take tiny steps that don't threaten her.

I believe that this is fixable.

I shall keep you in my prayers.

Warm regards,