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Dr. Paige
Dr. Paige, Psychologist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1427
Experience:  Ph.D. Licensed Psychologist
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My girlfriend of 1.25 years has two boys. Recently, one has

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My girlfriend of 1.25 years has two boys. Recently, one has moved away to live with his father. She is devastated and now won't talk to me, doesn't want to see me and when I text her "I love and miss you terribly" she says "thank you". She told me I can't understand how she feels because I don't have kids and she needs space. She was to move into my place next week and has canceled that. I am afraid she may be getting counsel from friends or a man with ulterior motives (not sure though). Don't know how to fix this without being able to communicate with her, literally.
Hello. I'm sorry she is putting you through this. I don't think there is another man involved in any of this. She is obviously very upset about this as you said. While you eel that you need to help her solve the problem, she is not willing to let you do that. By asking for space, she is just handling her own problems her own way. You are going to have to give her that space and wait it out. I know that's a hard thing to do, but any other option can upset her even more. What I suggest is that you send her a text or call her and tell her that you wish she would let you support her more than she is, but you will respect her space. Tell her you are there for her any second of the day or night for her to call you if she needs you. Be very reassuring and supportive and let her know that you will do as she wants and back off. See how she responds.
I would then wait a few days and then check in with her to see how she is doing. You want to pull back but you also want to make sure she is aware you are there for her. Don't expect anything else right now. All of this just happened, she is still dealing with the shock of it all. She may be the type of person who cannot handle multiple stressful events and this is how she chooses to handle it. Let things cool down for a bit before you panic about her motives.
If you felt that you are losing your independence about her moving in, I would bet she felt that a bit, as women have a great intuition. I don't think this is much of a factor at this time, with her sons' actions taking over her emotions, but it may be something you both need to talk about once the dust settles about this specific issue, if she still feels as though you were a little distant with her, making her feel uncomfortable.
Try to relax, be there for her but don't smother and give her some time and the space she is asking for. You can't fix this, she has to do it. All you can do is be a supportive friend and wait for her to come around.
Customer: replied 4 years ago.

Okay, I guess I know I have to give her space and am willing to do it, I just don't understand why when she did respond to me, she couldn't give me any kind of reassurance. "I love you" "miss you" anything, "thank you" is a bad sign in my thought process. Even "thank you, Eric" would have been more personal. I have feelings too, and I feel like I have to ignore them to have any chance of saving this. Why is it so hard for someone who loves you, to text "I love you" to help them in this emotional rollercoaster. It just gives me a bad feeling. This is so much a 180 from just one week ago it is a shock, I guess that is why I am concerned about another man. Please feel free to give me the good with the bad when it comes to advice. Thanks doctor.

I agree that she should be more accommodating with you as far as your feelings go. When people don't communicate verbally, sometimes meanings can be misunderstood. Saying "Thank you" may have meant thanks, XXXXX XXXXX to hear that from you and it's reassuring for her. You can't read into it without actually talking to her to see the body language or tone in her voice.
I really don't think there is another man involved. You also shouldn't think too hard about her having other influences try to pull you away because if you think about it, a relationship which is strong would never let another person be able to have that kind of influence. If she left you for any reason, it wouldn't be because someone else told her to. It would have to be for something else that concerned her. You need to give her more credit than that than to listen to another person about how she should react to her relationship.
There may be other issues going on in your relationship which we haven't talked about or really can, because this particular problem is obviously front and center. Try and have some patience and try to be positive. Once things calm down for her, and things settle, you both can get back to how things were and be able to discuss what happened and the emotions involved on both sides. I hope she is a little better with you as far as understanding your side of it as well.
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