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Ask TherapistMaryAnn Your Own Question
TherapistMaryAnn, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 5823
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
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Hi, My gf of 3 years just moved out yesterday (we lived together

Customer Question

Hi, My gf of 3 years just moved out yesterday (we lived together for 2.5 of those years). Obviously the balls in her court and she has complete control. I have not and will not try to contact her anytime soon. I am just looking for the best advice on how to go about getting her back. Im giving her space right now but obviously I don't want this to end. We both have our part in our relationships problems but if you can give some do's and more importantly things to not do as well as your advice and opinion of how long i should wait before contacting her and what to say. Any reading material you may recommend for me to keep busy and my mind healthy through the process. Thank you!
Submitted: 4 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  TherapistMaryAnn replied 4 years ago.
Hello, I'd like to help you with your question.

It sounds like you are going about this in a very smart way. Letting her have time and working on getting her back in the meanwhile is a great way to repair your relationship.

Since you have decided to give your girlfriend time and not contact her right now, you may want to express your feelings through non verbal ways. Try sending her a card telling her that you are sorry for what happened between you both (if it is your fault in any way) and that you are there for her. Send her flowers or other small gifts just as a way to brighten her day. And if this was your fault, then it is a good idea to work on making amends. Try to let her know how sorry you are and most importantly, making a point to let her know you intend on working on your behavior.

After some time (a week or two) try asking her again where things stand for her. Offer support with no strings attached so she knows you are there but doesn't feel pressured to respond. As long as you are supportive, there is a chance she will come back again. You can also enlist the help of friends and close family to tell her that you still care and want things to work out.

Here are some resources to help you:

How To Get Your Ex Back - A Step By Step Guide To Getting Your Ex Back Fast by Ryan Morris and Kimberly Hunter

I hope this has helped you,

Expert:  TherapistMaryAnn replied 4 years ago.
I hope my answer was helpful to you. If you have any more questions, please let me know.


May I please request that if you find the service I provided helpful at all that you rate me with three or above? Your rating is the only way I am reimbursed for my answer. Thank you so much!
Customer: replied 4 years ago.

Sorry. I got busy with an order at work. My gf has some emotional problems from her being abused repeatedly from a very close family member. It causes a lot of issues as you can imagine on many levels not just sexual. She never went to counseling for it and unfortunately can explode constantly even if shes having a good time or especially if we're out drinking. Im convinced time apart at the minimum is needed for her. I can do that. I don't think sending her I love you messages off the bat is the best approach. she always threatened to break up and move out and it became a weekly thing and she did yesterday. I just want an opportunity to win her back, convey my love at some point and just do things even if its avoiding her completely to get her interest back. Was going to exercise, drop a few pounds and look like I have been active and busy whiles shes still away so that if she allows me to see her I have a chance.

Expert:  TherapistMaryAnn replied 4 years ago.
If your girlfriend has been abused, then yes that can cause a lot of issues in a relationship. It would be ideal for her to get therapy if she is willing.

I agree, sending her messages right now about how you feel about her is not the best idea, but later when you have had time apart and you are interested in trying again might be a good idea.

Looking like you have been busy might help. It depends on if she takes that as rejection or sees it as a challenge to get you back. You may want to express your interest at some point so she knows that pursuing the relationship again.