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Dear Debra
Dear Debra, Advice Columnist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1852
Experience:  I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
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8 months ago my wife passed away we were married for 10 years.

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8 months ago my wife passed away we were married for 10 years. I am 63 and she was 12 years younger than me. Needless to say it was quite a shock. I recently started noticing a woman at work. We have been working in the same office for 10 years and the only contact we have is saying hello in the hallway. She is 61 and divorced and is very family oriented with her children and grandchildren. I have friended her on facebook and discovered these things. I would like to ask her out. Where do I start? Kind of out of practice. I've found out it is not riding a bicycle.

Deardebra : Thank you for your question.
Deardebra : i am very sorry for your loss.

Thank you

Deardebra : you want to approach this on a very simple way. You want to first start up a conversation and get to know her a little better. Then after learning a little about her, you ask her if she would like to get a cup of coffee something she would say yes too.

oops, I am not 1 suzukiman2 by the way


it's bigdog17109

Deardebra : When you ask her on a date you want to be honest. Let her get to see the real you.

define honest please


that is, honest when asking her out or being honest during the date?

Deardebra : Yes I will, you want to tell her about you and listen about her as well. You don't want to be something you are not. If she ask you questions about yourself tell her the truth.
Deardebra : Being honest on the date.
Deardebra : women often ask questions to get to know the persons life.

OK I absolutely agree

Deardebra : they want to see if they have things in common.

I would have questions as well. how in depth should I go?

Deardebra : You can ask what you would like and you do not have to go into detail if you are not comfortable with that.
Deardebra : you want her to feel comfortable as well so you want to stick with the basic questions at first like what does she like to do when she is not working. You want to see if you like similar things.

If she should initially decline a dating invitation, I still would like pursue the issue. How would I do this without coming off as too anxious. At this point I am really infatuated with this woman and would really like to see this relationship develop if , to coin an old phrase, all the stars are in alignment,

Deardebra : She might say yes right away but if she does not it might be because she has to think about it first.
Deardebra : it doesn't mean no so you want to ask her again three days later.

Ok. After how many refusals would you recommend I just walk away?

Deardebra : You could ask her once a week for a month because she might want to get to know you first.
Deardebra : Women tend to Analyze before they get involve. She might start watching you in work to see what type a person you are.

Ok, sounds like sound advise. DearDebra, I appreciate your advice and take it to task. It has been very enlightening. As I mentioned earlier, being out of the dating game does present some issues. I will rate this session as excellent. One question though; should this relationship go in the direction I hope it does, if I have any further questions, would I be able to reach you through this web site to ask them?

Deardebra : Thank you again for your question. You can reach me by addressing your question to Dear XXXXX.
Deardebra : that way I will get it to help you further.
Deardebra : when you ask your next question you just put Dear XXXXX in the front of the question.
Deardebra : This way I will be able to see it and be able to help you again.
Deardebra : Dont be nervous be confident and ask her out for a cup of coffee. You both are close in age and she is divorced she could be looking for someone or you just never know she could be interested in you but is afraid to ask you out. So you should ask her and see what she says.

thanks again

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