I am writing to you again because I like your thoughtful responses and this is the same guy I received a response from you about in my post titled "should guy Im attempting to woo see me suck at soccer".
Is there anything I can do to save this "relationship"? What can I write to him that will let him know I'm interested, but not appear desperate/needy/anxious/overeager?
I'm worried that I may have said the wrong thing to this guy and made him inadvertently think I wasn't interested in meeting up with him again in-person. I haven't received a response yet from a guy I went out on a few dates with back in the year 2013. As you can see from the Facebook conversation I've copied and pasted below, he usually responds in two days, sometimes one day (though I've read in three books that men have a different concept of "soon" than women - men expect a much longer passage of time. Women think "soon" means "tommorrow", while men think that "soon" means within two weeks). I read my last post to a male platonic friend of mine, to get his opinion, and while I was reading it, he kept heaving audible heavy sighs! Like groans. I asked him why he was making those negative-sounding noises, and he said that he feels I responded in the incorrect way. He thinks that I didn't convey what I wanted (and still want) to convey, which is that I want to go to a festival with him. He says that the way I phrased "You should check them out" sounds as if I am instructing him to go alone. He also said that when I said "might" in the sentence "Here are some fests I might go to", it makes it sound as if the likelihood of me going to any of those festivals is very slim. My platonic male friend also told me after the fact that when you send a message via Facebook when both of you are logged in and visible to each other, it automatically sends it via the chat box in the lower right corner. My platonic friend said that he thinks I appeared weird to my target male because I logged off immediately after initiating a chat. I noticed that he logged in at like 11:39pm on September 29th. So maybe he saw that I was logged in, and then decided to show me that he was logged in? I immediately logged off after sending it because I felt he stopped dating me because I appeared too desperate because I sent him two text messages (one for apologizing for showing up late and then another because I forgot to mention it in my first text: apologizing for forgetting to say thanks for buying my movie ticket) from my flipphone to his smartphone after our last date. I felt that if I stayed logged on after sending it while he was logged on, it would look like I was anxiously waiting for his reply. I don't want to look anxious. I don't want to confirm his suspicion of me, because it's not true (I've never had Dependent Personality Disorder nor Borderline Personality Disorder, by the way). I noticed that after our movie date on Oct 20th, 2013, he always appeared offline, but before Oct 20th he appeared online almost always. I wondered, and still wonder, if he did this because he didn't want me to instant message him. He never contacted me again until Dec 25th, 2013, just to say Merry Xmas. There was another time he logged in a couple minutes after I logged in, and stayed logged in for a few minutes, perhaps to see if I'd reply to the last message that he sent, but I didn't, so I guess he got fed up with waiting and logged out after about four minutes. I then replied to him I think the next day or so.
I should also mention that his birthday is coming up on Sunday October fifth. What should I do? I'm thinking of sending him a happy birthday message on Sunday, but I'm not sure what it should look like. His platonic friends of both genders have posted to his Facebook wall a simple short message of "Happy birthday!" "Happy birthday, genius" and "Happy birthday! Have a good one". Last year I sent him an instant message on October third, saying that I didn't want to wait until the fifth in case I forgot.
The last time he logged on on Oct 2nd was around 3:50pm.
By the way, if you're wondering why I waited about 13 days between Sept 8th and Sept 21st, it's because I followed the advice in the book He Texted to go silent for days and see if he writes anything. If he doesn't, then it means he's not interested. Then again, it was my turn to reply. I showed the sentence "Do you know any other fests that are planned?" to my mom and a female psychologist, and both said they could be a "leading question".
[previous Facebook conversations not shown for sake of space]
[him] Hi [me]!
[me] Thanks! It's great to hear from you. I haven't logged in to Facebook in a while; I just got bored of it and forgot about it. So how have you been enjoying the summer?
[him] It was nice so far, went first time to Whistler and Victoria. How about you want? Found job that you like? 8/27, 11:40pm [me] That's good; I've been to Victoria and Whistler too. This summer I've been to some outdoor festivals. I'm still working at the same job, but I have sent some resumes to employers. What did you do in Whistler and Victoria?
[him] Just got day tours there, my mother was visiting and we went there together. In Whistler peak to peak gondola is really cool
[me] Did she visit both Victoria and Whistler? Which one did she like better?
[him] Yes we went to both. She liked both, they are different - in Whistler there are beautiful mountains and on the way to Victoria we were also watching whales. Have you been to Squamish festival? We went to Whistler just before it started
[me] I've heard about the Squamish music festival though I've never been to it. Did you go to Squamish after going to Whistler? When I was twelve my whole seventh grade class went to Camp Squamish, and when I was about thirteen my parents took me to Whistler with their friends. We didn't go on any gondolas though; we just looked at the shops I think. I think Tigra should come to the Squamish festival; I would pay money to be entertained by her! :) Has your sister or father ever visited Canada?
[him] No I didn't go to Squamish festival, I think you couldn't have gone on gondolas as a kid, they built them very recently. I wanted my mother to come with my sister and my niece, but they have not got visas unfortunately
9/21, 4:00pm [Sun Sept 21]
[me] So Geeda must be the one who was a comp sci student - I like her action figure collection! Did you go to Folk Fest? I thought about going, but then decided not to.
[a few seconds after I sent it at 4:00pm, I see a checkmark and the words "Seen - 4:00pm" under my post. And it said he was last active 1m ago instead of 1d ago, which is what it said at 4:00pm. So I think he must have something that instantly alerts him whenever someone sends him a message.]
12:08am [Tues Sept 23, like late Monday night]
[him] Yes she was, I was at her home once and her collection looks spectacular. No I haven't heard about folk fest. Do you know any other fests that are planned?
11:42pm Monday September 29 2014
[me]Here are some fests I might go to. Have you heard of them? You should check them out:
[below is what Facebook automatically posted - I think they post a preview of the first site, so recipients know what they will see if they so choose to click on the first link]
Fort Langley Cranberry Festival | Fort Langley - VCM | Destination BC - Official Site
The Annual Fort Langley Cranberry Festival takes place in the Village of Fort Langley. It's free, and draws about 50,000 visitors to the charming area of Fort Langley every year. The Cranberry Festival features sales of all kinds of tasty cranberry i...
Seen 11:43pm Monday September 29 2014