Have Relationship Questions? Ask a Counselor for Answers ASAP
I thought last time I spoke to you you were breaking up with her?
I made multiple attempts to help you find resolve in your previous issue and your response to all of it was that you were "done with the relationship" and "didn't care" - so why are you still together a week later?
Obviously I love her, and breaking up isn't so easy. Thanks for understanding.
There is a part of me that doesn't care. I don't care for the childish bullshit. But I do care deeply for her
And thats the part I was trying to drag out last time
I don't think you give enough credit to the part of yourself that is very much entrenched and not going anywhere
and you say things out of anger, and I wonder how much of your responsibility some of these things are
And I told you that last time...I'm pretty sure. But yes there are times I feel I would be better to end it rather than endure it.
I think as frustrated as you are with her communication, there are reasons for her to be frustrated with yours
Really? Because I didn't want to leave my hot meal, go get re-dressed, and take a damn picture of hail...that is my fault? Are you serious?
no no no
I'm not saying you were wrong
but I remember our previous conversation
and I think that there is a level of volatile in your relationship that just never gets resolved
She can be pretty damn difficult, and I will say for the most part I have at some point or another given her reason to be difficult. But really you want me to stop eating my hot meal that I have prepared, while relaxing after a hard day at work...now in my underwear, you want me to go get re-dressed and go outside and take a picture because you think I am lying? Though she didn't say that...that is exactly what she said. Well the answer was and is NO.
instead of looking at your relationship as a bunch of isolated incidence
you have to look at it as a flowing river
if your boss treated you poorly and then asked you to do something in a polite way and you then gave him an attitude, it wouldnt be bc of the way he asked you, it would be residual from the previous treatment
I don't think you give enough credit to the residual in your relationship
I see the way you act with ME in these conversations
once you hear something you dont like - you shut down completely.
Thank you for that...I hate to admit it, but yes you are right! Too right! But why can't we get past the past and live for today. She was convinced that I was lying over something as insignificant as hail stones. Who cares? Not that I am condoning lying, but if I am going to lie, it is to hide something, or protect ones feelings. Hail? Hell who cares? What can I do to rebuild what we had, what she is looking for? I am trying I seriously am. I am reading my Bible, Men are from Mars Women are from Venus, and the Love Dare. They all make sense. Perfect sense. Just don't know how to rebuild.
You need to sit down with her
and have a conversation
I know it sounds corny - get a workbook like this one and spend time engaging in productive conversation
you arent going to fix your relationship talking to ME - she needs to be a part of it - you need to put cards on the table and demand participation from her as well
Don't know what all I told you before...but how do you see it possibly working when her family is turned against me because of her sister and my ex-wife? Sherry lives with her mother. She moved back home 17 years ago when her husband walked out on her and their 4 month old autistic son. I would like to have their approval, but don't really need it. But though I understand, to keep drama down in the house which her son and mother reside, I can't stand it when we have to sneak around like little school kids. We are both in our 40's and this really is ridiculous. It is high time she stood up to her mother and basically say get a life, this is who I choose, now accept it, or get over it.
woah woah woah
one thing at a time.
how old are the both of you? do you have children together?
I tried to get her to go see a counselor with me. She said she wasn't going to air dirty laundry in front of a stranger, so the answer was no. I said ok, well I can see where I have more to fix than you, but it will not work unless you are actively participating yourself. If you are just pouting in the corner and waiting for me to fix everything it will not work!
I am 48 she is 43 and no we do not have children "Together". I have never had children. She has had 2, one little girl who died at 8 mos. of age, and she has a 17 year old autistic son.
we've been chatting for almost 30 minutes and it's nearing 10pm in my timezone, so we have to start to wrap up
Look - you're not babies.
At this age, she should appreciate a man who is being direct and putting an emphasis on mental health and suggesting a counselor
If you can't get her to go into a counselor's office, I'd seriously invest in a couples workbook and devote time once a week to do it together - 1 hour a week
Ok I will try that.
you might also want to consider seeking individual counseling for yourself. I'm wondering if you get some of your own anger management issues under control if that won't help the relationship
what area do you live in?
Most likely and thank you
Biloxi, MS and you? East Coast somewhere because of the time difference
if you decide you want to pursue individual counseling and would like assistance I can refer you to some resources to find reputable counselors
Ok Thank You!
you're welcome! Do you feel that we've addressed your question adequately?
For the most part yes, thank you
wonderful - thank you for requesting me, and if you would like to speak more in the future, please feel free to request me again. Please be reminded that I do not receive credit for our conversation if you do not rate me. Thank you again - I look forward to hearing back from you! Good luck! :-)