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Dr.G., Psychologist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1492
Experience:  Licensed Psychologist in the state of Minnesota
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Im 44 and my husband is 55. He has an 18 year old son from

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I'm 44 and my husband is 55. He has an 18 year old son from a previous marriage, and we have a two year old son together. When I became pregnant with our son, I was surprised but extremely happy because I had always thought that motherhood wasn't in the cards for me. It was an easy pregnancy and our son was born healthy.

My husband has been extremely stressed and agitated for the last few years. He claims that the reason he snaps at me and is grumpy and overacts to things is because of his job. And the fact that our neighbors don't invite him to parties. And the fact that he's overweight. etc, etc. He feels that once he gets out of his job everything will be better. I know that this isn't really the case because he was grumpy and irritable before he took this job. He's told me that he's thought about suicide a few times because he feels trapped in his job. He claims that the only thing that gives him joy is our 2 year old son, but he 'knows' that before long the 2 year old will start to hate him just like his 18 year old does. (He lost his temper a lot when the 18 year old was growing up, and that's led to some bad feelings).

So he's become obsessed with wanting another baby. When I try to point out the logical things to him -- he'll be in his mid-70's before that child is finished with high school and college, and it may not be possible for me to have another child-- he says that people discriminate against him regarding having children just because of his age, and we need to look at adoption. He's even told me on several occasions that if I don't make more of an effort to have another child he'll find someone who will!

To me, it seems like he's out of touch with reality. The only thing that makes him happy is our son, but our 2-year old will grow to have hate him. So instead of trying to figure out how to do things differently so that doesn't happen, he's going to have a child with someone else, which would mean leaving the child that absolutely adores him and whom he loves being around? And he thinks that telling me that he's going to have an affair or leave me is going to motivate me to have intercourse more frequently?

He's been going to a counselor, but I'm not sure how effective it is. From the recaps that he's giving me about what they discuss in their sessions (and from the few sessions that i've attended with him), I don't think that the therapist really feels that this is a crisis situation.

I need help trying to figure out what to do next to try to get things back on track.
The botXXXXX XXXXXne is that he needs to see a psychiatrist. What you describe sounds like depression. If he is not being honest with the counselor then that form of treatment will be ineffective. Would you be willing to talk to the counselor and your husband about medication?
Customer: replied 4 years ago.
I have no doubt that he's depressed. And I believe that he's been honest with the counselor. I'm just not sure that the counselor understands that he really has no coping skills and that he takes everything that the counselor says literally. For instance, he can home from one session saying that the counselor told him that the counselor said that what he's experiencing is worse than what people who were in the Holocaust experienced. I seriously doubt that's what was said, but that's how he interpreted a comment about Nazi Germany. My husband has told him that he wants to do hypnosis so he can control his eating and think clearer, so that's what they focus on, rather than the underlying issue. My husband thinks his thoughts and actions are normal, so they never really get addressed.

I asked my husband the other day if he thought it would be beneficial to speak with a different therapist. He said he was willing to, but in light of everything that's gone on the last few days I'm not sure if its better to remain with someone who is familiar with his history or start over with someone new.

He's taking lexapro that was prescribed by a psychiatrist a few years ago and being refilled by his GP.

I think you hit the nail on the head, he has no coping skills. He is not practicing anything the counselor is telling him. If I were you, I would two things: First, go into session with him and tell the counselor everything you are seeing. If I am the therapist then I would definitely welcome an outside perspective. Second, time for a change in the medication. It has likely lost its effect on him. Again, go with him to the GP and explain the situation. Let the GP and the counselor both know that you want to be a part of his treatment so that you can observe and report back to them and also help encourage him about the coping skills he is supposed to be learning. What do you think about this?
Customer: replied 4 years ago.
Sounds good. Thank you!
Customer: replied 4 years ago.
I don't see the section where I'm supposed to rate you.
Here it is. Good luck.
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